The Words
by AnnFleur
Summary: Set after 06x09 The Doctor in the Photo. Disregarding what went down in later episodes.  Brennan leaves for Iraq and leaves Booth a letter.
1. The Letter

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and 'Bones' themes belong to Fox.**

**Summary: Brennan decides she can't live with her feelings for Booth while he's still with Hannah. She needs space and time so she decides to go to Iraq to help identify remains. She knows it's one of the most dangerous things to do but like Micah said, feeling something is so much better than being dead, or even dead inside. **

**She recognizes the danger, though, and writes a goodbye letter to Booth. ****He writes back to her, and they establish a new way of communication.**

The Words.

1. The Letter

_Dear Booth,_

_I am unable to explain to you why I'm writing this. I've never put much in explaining my feelings to others, however, this situation seems different. I need you to know why I'm doing this. We have been partners for six years, and you have changed me. I don't want you to think this is your fault. I just want to explain to you what you did for me, how you changed me and why I'm grateful._

Ok, the hard part was over: She'd started her letter. She had been thinking about how to start it for a few days now, but her flight was leaving this evening and she only had a few hours left to write this. She wanted to get it done though, so she had sat down on her sofa to finally write the hardest letter she'd ever written to anyone.

She wanted to explain to him that he had made her so much better, he had taught her so much. But would that change his view of her in a negative way? She didn't need to be taught. And he knew that. Didn't he? He had shown her love in so many ways, and she'd tried to show him she felt the same. He had understood. Hadn't he? Hadn't she explained herself properly? She had started to doubt everything, and writing everything down seemed like the only way to calm her own conscience as well as his, once he'd find out she was gone.

Sighing, she looked over what she had so far and continued.

_I had to do this because I need space for myself. I've been surrounded by so many emotions that I can't see how I can continue to do my work in an objective manner. Logic has become obstructed by emotions like friendship and love. There's one example for you, I would never have considered friendship important if I hadn't met you, let alone call it an emotion. But I believe it is. It clouds your judgment and you don't even care, if you see it at all._

A tear slipped from her eye. She loved Booth. She had loved him for a very, very long time.

At first, it had just been a physical attraction. His broad shoulders and wide jaw indicated he was a viable mate and she responded to that. A while later, a deep admiration for his courage had added to that response. The response was what had scared her initially, and she'd withheld from ever acting on her feelings because she knew that this man held a dangerous power over her. She didn't want him to become aware of that power, because he'd be able to use it against her, even without his knowledge. She couldn't get hurt in that way. But she had been. She had fallen for him so completely that when he had told her his feelings, she had withdrawn with such force that even he, he who understood her every move, didn't see any logic in it. She just hoped she had enough ink in her pen to let him understand.

_Not only have you shown me friendship. You've shown me how far trust can go. I owe my life to you. And not just my life, I owe myself to you. The person I am, I wouldn't be without you and for once in my life, that is a good thing. People usually try to change me. You didn't try, but you changed me anyway, and that shows how far that trust really went. I have said on a few occasions that I would do anything for you, and that still stands. _

_When we first met, I didn't believe in any of the following things. Now I do. You've taught me the following, Booth. No one but you is responsible for showing me this. Friendship. Jokes. Ice hockey, cars. The benefits of psychology. Brainy smurf being a good thing. Pop culture, although I'm not sure that's beneficial. Fieldwork. Your gut. Trust, partners. Putting yourself out there with someone and trusting them to always, always have your back. Love._

All right, she'd gone there. No turning back now. A quick glance at the clock told her she had about two hours to finish this. She decided it was time to dive into the deep stuff.

_Yes, you taught me about love. I believed in sex and hormones, not in love and fate. Now I do. You took me to that part of myself that I was too scared to __show to to anyone. Even you in the end. But you were too close, can you understand that? Ever since I was 15 years old, I have pushed away all types of love as far as I can. Because it hurts. And now, I've been reminded of just how badly it can hurt. But still, it felt good telling you how I feel. I was scared at first, when you asked me to give us a chance. The prospect of sharing such an emotional connection with someone scares me, Booth. It still does. But I've become convinced that loving someone is worth it. Because of you. When I see you with Parker, my heart feels bigger. Anatomically, that is irrational, but it still feels bigger and it feels good. And that feeling is what I get when you look at me, when you smile, when you call me just to call me, when you bring Thai in the middle of the night, when you tell me that some day, I will believe in love. What I didn't realize yet, is that I already believe. I believe in you._

She sighed deeply. She was an accomplished author, she should be able to write this with ease. But this was different. This wasn't fiction. If she screwed this up, that would be the end of it. She re-read her letter so far and she almost ripped it apart, but decided against it. He had to know.

_I want you to be happy, Booth. I know you love Hannah and I am happy for that, I really am. She's a great person, intelligent, beautiful inside and out, and she will stand by you. I hope you find what you were looking for in me, in her. I believe you will. I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed though. Because I believe my way of telling you deeply hurt your feelings. I didn't feel worthy, Booth. That was all. I didn't think I could truly make you happy. I still don't. _

_Don't blame yourself for this. I'm not leaving because of you, I'm leaving because of me. And I will be back, I just don't know when. When things have cleared up in my mind, when I feel like I can come back and not feel like I have to be a certain someone. And that, too, is not your fault. It's mine. I've never tried to please others, but somehow, through the relationships that have formed over the past years, that has changed and I see that I'm no longer who I used to be. That's not a bad thing, but I need to explore this on my own. Don't ever think that night wasn't perfect. Don't ever think I didn't and don't want you._

_Don't ever think that my rejection was because of you. You are all a woman could ever wish for._

_Stay safe and don't hate me for doing this. You can reach me at the American Embassy in Iraq, if you want to. Don't feel any obligation. I will be back but it is up to you if we keep in touch. I will always value what we have and everything we've experienced as partners, but even though this hurts, it's the right thing for me to do now._

_Yours always, _

_Bones._

She considered signing it 'Temperance,' but that would make it less personal and she needed this to be as personal as possible.

A tear fell on the paper and she cursed. 'Damn.' Looking at the stain the water made on her letter, she shook her head. So be it. She put the letter in an envelope, without re-reading it again, thinking she'd find it too short or inadequate for her purpose.

Sighing again, she remembered Booth had her spare key but he would only use it to get into her house if there was an emergency. She'd have to make sure he got the letter, but she didn't want to drop it off by his place in case Hannah would get curious. She decided to leave it on her coffee table and send Booth a text that he had to get it, knowing he would if she pressed the issue.

Having called a cab, she texted Booth:

'_Sorry I had to leave things this way. Please collect the letter I left for you at my place tonight. Use your key. X' _

She didn't sign it, he would know from her number it was her. Her cab arrived and she got her suitcase, locking the door behind her. Leaving was harder than she had imagined it would be. She felt a stinging pain in her heart, a feeling of injustice and longing, but she knew she could not satisfy them and that this was the only way for her to move on. He had left for Afghanistan, she'd leave for Iraq.

A few minutes into the cab drive, her phone rang. Text message, from Booth.

_Hey Bones, don't understand, care to elaborate?' Booth._

She sighed. If she didn't answer, he'd call her or go to her house. If he called her, she'd have to answer because he'd most likely put a trace on her phone if she kept ignoring it. She closed her eyes briefly before answering.

'_I know it's complicated. Just collect the letter, it'll explain things.__ X' _

Within thirty seconds, the answer. Damn, he was fast. She hoped he wouldn't make this hard on her, she hadn't told anyone about her plans, except for Angela because she had seen a plane ticket on her desk. She pressed 'open' and read Booth's reply.

'_Ok, your rules. Be safe. X Booth.'_

She smiled. Be safe. He always texted her 'be safe' as his final communication, and it made her feel unbelievably protected. But not anymore, she reminded herself. He wasn't her protector anymore. She was.

The cab arrived at the airport and she paid the driver and got on the plane as fast as possible. She didn't want to give her self time to reconsider.

Once the plane took off, she managed to relax a little. She was leaving this behind her, she didn't know when she'd be back and it felt cleansing. She was a little nervous about Booth's reaction to the letter. She didn't want him to feel responsible in any way for her leaving, and although she had said that in the letter, she knew he had a way of not listening to her when he felt strongly about something.


	2. His Reaction

**Author's note: So yes, there is some repetition in this chapter. I apologize for that. I hope you like this, I'm honoured by the reactions I got to chapter 1. **

**This hasn't been beta read so if you find any mistakes please tell me, I'm not an English native speaker but I try.**

**Please R&R!**

The Words

2. His Reaction.

Booth was a little nervous entering her apartment. He didn't know where Bones was, why she told him to do this and why she wasn't here to let him in herself. He found it all to be rather unsettling.

True to her word, Bones had left a letter for him on her table. He felt a chill running down his spine when he touched the paper. He opened the letter, unable to wait and see what it said. He sat down on her couch. His finger traced the spot where a tear had apparently fallen and rippled the paper. She had been sad.

"_Dear Booth,_

_I am unable to explain to you why I'm writing this. I've never put much in explaining my feelings to others, however, this situation seems different. I need you to know why I'm doing this."_

The fear he had been feeling worsened and he started to feel angry. No, no. She wasn't doing this. She couldn't. Was she leaving? For good? Why? Oh, he knew why.

'Bones, no,' he whispered to no one in particular. Her house still carried her essence, her smell, the way everything was ordered was so Bones, he just felt like he could talk to her without her being there. 'Why, Bones? You could have talked to me,' he said. He knew that wasn't really true, he hadn't let her. He decided to read the rest of the letter first, before panicking completely.

"_We have been partners for six years, and you have changed me. I don't want you to think this is your fault. I just want to explain to you what you did for me, how you changed me and why I'm grateful._

_I had to do this because I need space for myself. I've been surrounded by so many emotions that I can't see how I can continue to do my work in an objective manner. Logic has become obstructed by emotions like friendship and love. There's one example for you, I would never have considered friendship important if I hadn't met you, let alone call it an emotion. But I believe it is. It clouds your judgment and you don't even care, if you see it at all. _

_Not only have you shown me friendship. You've shown me how far trust can go. I owe my life to you. And not just my life, I owe myself to you. The person I am, I wouldn't be without you and for once in my life, that is a good thing."_

He smiled to himself, calming down a bit. He had always been worried that somehow, he had changed her too much. That she wasn't the person she wanted to be. But she had seen it so different. She had seen it as enrichment of her life. And he was so glad, only he wished he had been able to show her more. More of himself, not just the FBI-officer, but the man. She had shown him Temperance, the woman, on many occasions but he had never returned the favor. What she said was true for him as well. He owed himself to her as well. Did she know that? He might have to tell her. If he ever got the chance.

"_People usually try to change me. You didn't try, but you changed me anyway, and that shows how far that trust really went. I have said on a few occasions that I would do anything for you, and that still stands. _

_When we first met, I didn't believe in any of the following things. Now I do. You've taught me the following, Booth. No one but you is responsible for showing me this. Friendship. Jokes. Ice hockey, cars. The benefits of psychology. Brainy smurf being a good thing. Pop culture, although I'm not sure that's beneficial. Fieldwork. Your gut. Trust, partners. Putting yourself out there with someone and trusting them to always, always have your back. Love._

_Yes, you taught me about love. I believed in sex and hormones, not in love and fate. Now I do. You took me to that part of myself that I was too scared to show to to anyone. Even you in the end. But you were too close, can you understand that? Ever since I was 15 years old, I have pushed away all types of love as far as I can. Because it hurts. And now, I've been reminded of just how badly it can hurt. But still, it felt good telling you how I feel. I was scared at first, when you asked me to give us a chance. The prospect of sharing such an emotional connection with someone scares me, Booth. It still does. But I've become convinced that loving someone is worth it. Because of you."_

He felt tears start to form in his eyes. 'Oh Bones,' he whispered. How could she have kept this hidden for so long? How could she have lead him to believe she didn't believe in love? That she didn't feel love? He had been so scared to ask her to give them a chance, so scared. He hadn't truly believed she would accept him. But he thought he saw something in her eyes, and that made the rejection so much harder. That evening, he had known for a few seconds but with dead certainty that Bones loved him. Until she'd turned him down. That had shattered it for him and he couldn't believe how wrong he had been. But now it turned out he wasn't wrong. Why did he give up so easily? She had been right there! Right in front of him. And he had run off and found himself some blonde.

And even that had been about Bones for him. He wanted to prove to her that love was something beautiful. That she, too, could be happy if she let herself. And Bones had taken a lesson from it, she'd learned the hard way that loving him was worth the pain he had made her go through. Only there was a paradox: He hadn't been able to bear the pain, so why did he put her through the same? He had no answer. Right now all he had was the letter in front of him, from the woman who still possessed more of his heart than she had ever known.

"_When I see you with Parker, my heart feels bigger. Anatomically, that is irrational, but it still feels bigger and it feels good. And that feeling is what I get when you look at me, when you smile, when you call me just to call me, when you bring Thai in the middle of the night, when you tell me that some day, I will believe in love. What I didn't realize yet, is that I already believe. I believe in you._

_I want you to be happy, Booth. I know you love Hannah and I am happy for that, I really am. She's a great person, intelligent, beautiful inside and out, and she will stand by you. I hope you find what you were looking for in me, in her. I believe you will. I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed though. Because I believe my way of telling you deeply hurt your feelings. I didn't feel worthy, Booth. That was all. I didn't think I could truly make you happy. I still don't."_

He cursed himself. He would never find in Hannah what he found in Bones. She was the standard. She was. Hannah was great, sure, but she wasn't half as intelligent as Bones. Or as witty. Or beautiful, for that matter. Sure, he had always gone for the slim, tiny blonde, but when he'd met Brennan he had learned something about himself he had never known before. He was a curves man. He loved the way her waist was slim and her hips and backside were shapely and perfectly rounded. How a skirt or dress would fit amazingly* because of her womanly shapes. How she would show off just a little bit of skin and how she'd have that look in her eyes that told him that she knew exactly what she was doing to him without openly flirting. Hannah could never do that. She'd always openly flirted with him. Her body was perfect, modelesque, but it was nowhere near as beautiful as Bones. He shouldn't even be thinking about her body, because it was her mind he had truly fallen in love with in the beginning.

How could she ever not make him happy? Sure, she was a handful, and he had been scared about the idea of her not believing in love and abandoning him after sex, but this letter proved him he had been one hundred percent wrong. Bones could believe in love. She needed the right reasons, and he could have given them to her. But he didn't and she didn't believe in love. And now she was gone.

He had arrived at the final part of the letter.

"_Don't blame yourself for this. I'm not leaving because of you, I'm leaving because of me. And I will be back, I just don't know when. When things have cleared up in my mind, when I feel like I can come back and not feel like I have to be a certain someone. And that, too, is not your fault. It's mine. I've never tried to please others, but somehow, through the relationships that have formed over the past years, that has changed and I see that I'm no longer who I used to be. That's not a bad thing, but I need to explore this on my own. Don't ever think that night wasn't perfect. Don't ever think I didn't and don't want you._

_Don't ever think that my rejection was because of you. You are all a woman could ever wish for._

_Stay safe and don't hate me for doing this. You can reach me at the American Embassy in Iraq, if you want to. Don't feel any obligation. It is up to you if we keep in touch. I will always value what we have and everything we've experienced as partners, but even though this hurts, it's the right thing for me to do now._

_Yours always, _

_Bones."_

Iraq. She was going to the one most dangerous place in the entire world. Iraq. And he felt a little angry, why on earth would he want to cease communications with her? He decided to call her immediately, as soon as he had cleared his head. This was ridiculous. She wanted to explore on her own? He could have helped her, if she had just asked. But of course he knew that wasn't true. He had been too preoccupied with Hannah to see what was going on with Bones. He had pushed her to this, when she had poured her heart out to him he had panicked and distanced himself. He hadn't been sure it had been real or just the case that had rattled her cage so badly, and he didn't want to be the one ending up hurt again, so he turned on her. He turned on his woman and now it was too late, she was gone, he didn't know what to do and frankly, he didn't see how he could go back to Hannah knowing what he knew now. He was so glad she'd written this letter to him, and he would cherish it all his life, but it had confused him as well. This woman had not been the woman he had solved crimes with. This had been Temperance and he found he didn't know enough of her to know how to respond to this. He decided to call her and write a letter as well, call her to make sure she was ok and tell her he got the letter, and the letter to explain his part of the story. He wasn't good at writing about his feelings but for her, he'd try. She had.

So as soon as he was home, the letter held close to his heart in his jackets inside pocket, he sat down and started writing. He didn't look back at the letter she'd written, because he didn't want this to be an answer. He wanted it to be his heart. Everything that came to mind, he wrote down. He erased nothing and he changed nothing, knowing it would probably be one big messy stream-of-consciousness-type letter, but he didn't care. He wrote it all down. How he loved her, how he was so angry with her, how he wanted her, how she changed him and how he had needed it.

When he heard Hannah come in, he didn't stop. She walked over to him. 'Hey,' she said. 'Hey,' he answered.

'What are you working on?'

He looked at her over his shoulder. 'Bones is gone. She left. She's off to Iraq and she left me this letter. I am responding.'

'Oh good, you're going to keep in touch? Nice. Why is she going anyway? She never mentioned it.'

Seeley sighed. Hannah probably needed to know but the letter was for him. No way he'd let her read it. But she would capture some of what he'd written while she was standing next to him, and she'd have questions. He decided on a shorter version.

'Look, Hannah. I love you, you know that right?'

She nodded.

'Good. Now, Bones and I, we have a long history. And a while ago, she confessed her love for me. But not before I did that to her, a while before I left for Afghanistan. She rejected me.'

'Oh,' Hannah said, a little bit surprised. She had seen the love between Seeley and Temperance, but it had seemed a deep friendship, nothing more.

'Yeah, and I took it kind of hard. I didn't see why, you know. And when she confessed to me, just about everything was wrong. So I rejected her. But she couldn't take it, you see, and I didn't see it. So now she's running. But she left me this letter, explaining everything, and I need her to know my side of it as well.'

Hannah nodded again. 'Ok. That seems fair, can I read it?'

'No,' Booth answered, a bit too fast. 'You won't understand, Hannah. It's strange, what Bones and I have.'

Hannah turned around and started walking away. 'Ok.. Fine.'

'Hey,' Seeley called after her. She turned.

'I love you, Hannah,' he said. She smiled at him. 'Yeah.'

He should feel bad about her answer but he didn't. He didn't really care. Sure, he loved Hannah but he was in love with Bones. And he always had been and always would be. His heart had decided long ago what it wanted. And it wasn't Hannah.


	3. His Letter

**Author's note: I know some of you where slightly upset with Booth telling Hannah he loves her, but that is what he does best, right? Have to keep him in character, at least for now. **

**I promise you a happy B&B ending though. Wouldn't have it any other way.**

**Also, I feel I need to point out that this story is going to be about the letters, not about what goes on in Iraq. I'm amazingly bad at writing credible autopsy and squinty stuff.**

The Words

3. His Letter.

Booth had called her shortly after she had arrived in Iraq. She'd talked to him shortly, telling him she was fine and she'd start work the next day, believing that this was the way to go for her right now. He had believed her and told her to watch herself, not be the heroine, and that he'd respond to her letter.

It was now three days later. She was looking forward to the arrival of the letter more every hour. It would most likely arrive this afternoon, while she was at work, but she'd made sure she could leave a little early to check if the letter was there and to read it if it was.

She missed everything about her old life, but this new life had its merits. She missed Angela, but here she had also met interesting people. She missed the lab, but the crude tools and limited facilities proved to be an excellent challenge for her. But most of all, she missed her partner. Not just working with him, but his continuous company and support even when he wasn't there. She knew she still had it, his phone call had told her that, but she missed him badly. And the fact that she had an equally handsome lab assistant who lacked incredibly in the charisma that came so naturally to Booth. The assistant, Fahid, was a good, honest man with gentle features but that was all he was. His strong, muscled body didn't speak to Brennan the way Booth's body did. And for the first time in her life, she was struck by the realization that there were really no rules to determine the extent of attraction someone would cause. Any person who knew both Booth and Fahid only from seeing them would say that they were very much alike. But even though Brennan had a large amount of respect for her lab assistant, he was becoming a friend but he would never be more.

Brennan concentrated on the remains of a young boy, no more than six years old. Immediately she thought back to what Booth had said about his love for Parker. If this boy had a father somewhere that felt the same way, he deserved as much closure as he could get. She examined the remains closely, coming to the conclusion that the boy died of a gun shot wound to the chest, which penetrated his sternum and most likely ruptured his aorta before he had been badly burned in the car he had been in. Fahid helped her clean the remains and catalogue every injury. When they finished she looked at the clock.

'Fahid, I'll be leaving a little bit early today. Do you think you could start on the next set of remains? Catalogue any injuries and other abnormalities you come across, we'll clean and identify COD tomorrow.'

He nodded. 'Of course dr. Brennan. Is everything ok?'

She smiled at him. 'Yes, everything is fine. I'll see you tomorrow. Call me if you have a question.'

She left for the Embassy immediately, hoping the letter would have arrived there already, along with some tools she'd managed to get through security at the borders. She was in luck. Just as she arrived, the delivery service pulled out of the parking lot. She collected her items, signing off for them before retreating to her apartment, which was provided for by the US government. She knew it probably wasn't the safest way to go but to her it felt like the best solution.

As soon as she was inside, she locked the door and got a beer from her fridge. It wasn't American or Dutch beer but it was good, and she sat down on her couch with the letter. It was neatly folded in an envelope, and she smiled when she saw Booth's handwriting. He had actually written her a letter. She thought he would use his computer, but obviously her effort hadn't gone unnoticed by him and he had committed to doing the same for her.

She felt she was slightly nervous when her fingers trembled, trying to open the envelope. 'Calm down,' she told herself. 'It's only a letter.'

Slightly annoyed by her reaction to all of this, she tore open the envelope and carefully took out the pages. Two pages, neatly folded, but definitely not a neat version of something. It had some ink stains, a partial fingerprint, scratched out words and his writing was erratic.

The first sentences read:

'_Dear Bones,_

_I'm writing this only minutes after reading your letter, so I'm sorry if it isn't the best thing you've ever read. After all, you're the bestselling author here. But I needed to get this off of my chest, Bones. What you wrote made so much sense.' _

Her hands had started shaking again. She had made sense, good, she had been afraid of failing in that department. She smiled at his comment on her bestseller status, and at how he had felt the need to warn her about his writing. Se felt more confident now, and decided to continue.

'_First of all, I need to say that I didn't want this to happen, but I understand your reasons. You're a unique person and it's taken me a while but I can follow your logic. And I have to say that I feel so ashamed of letting you go so easily.' _

The multiple meanings of his last sentence wasn't lost to her. He regretted letting her go now, but also back in the day when he had asked her to give them a chance. He hadn't understood her reaction but now he did, because of her message to him, it made sense. This was good, this is what they needed.

'_But why didn't you ever tell me? Bones, partners are there for each other. You could have talked to me about how you felt. __Things could have been different because you just had to see that you are everything I could ever want. Sure, when we first met, I was a different man. But you made me see that even though you were so different from any woman I had ever dated, or even ever seen, you where what I wanted. I'm not used to talking about my feelings in a letter, and frankly, I feel stupid. But you need to know. I'm with Hannah, yes. But I'll never ever be as happy with her as I would have been with you because you're the standard, Bones.' _

She felt a stinging jealousy in her gut when he wrote about Hannah. Why even bring her up in the letter? She got angry with him and the meaning of his sentence went straight past her. She knew she had to calm herself, she felt like a hormonal teenager. Taking a deep breath and a big mouthful of beer, she re-read his last sentence before moving on.

'_You had me fooled into believing you didn't love me. Because you're really good at hiding that, you know? __And I understand that you think you can't count on love, but I feel so sad because you can. You really can, with me you could have. And I'm not trying to cause more pain. Hannah and I both know this isn't forever. But I need to slowly work towards that, you understand? We'll go separate ways in the end but I'm so sorry I started it with her in the first place. I know you will be frowning and getting angry with me for talking about Hannah, but I need you to understand that I'm only with her to try and show you up close that love can be for everyone. I see now I did the opposite. And I'm sorry. I love you for pretending you're happy for me. And I believe you when you say you are happy. But you can't fool me into believing you feel absolutely fine. And you're not supposed to and I'd be devastated if you were. But I never meant to hurt you.' _

Brennan sighed. He had not been joking, this letter was all over the place. She felt strange at his confessions, they didn't seem quite real. Of course she didn't doubt his sincerity but this whole letter thing was a bit different. Outdated, maybe, or just different. She knew he had written this from his heart and that must have been as difficult for him as it was for her, him being an alpha male who usually talks about their strength and other assets instead of their heart. But she had learned that Booth was a different kind of alpha male. So she decided to accept everything he was writing and continue reading. Analysis could wait.

'_This whole changing thing works both ways, you know? I was scared that I changed you too much but you say I didn't. That's good and you know what, I'm a much better person for knowing you. I never cared to look beyond someone's outside before. But people can have so many layers, so many mysteries and so many sides to them that I would have missed if I hadn't met you. You're so intelligent, I would have found that so intimidating. I did at first. But you're so naturally smart and it's almost as if it's not your fault, you can'__t help it. It's you. So I learned to accept that and live with it and and I feel blessed. _

_In ways you were a curse as well as a blessing, try talking to other women when you're used to your intelligence and witty comments. No one lived up to you and for a while I hated you for that. You let me get so close but there was always this doubt in my mind, did you want me to be more or did you want this barrier between us? You gave me reasons to believe both. And did you know that after our first case, Tessa was my only girlfriend? It took us a year to even be in the same room together, sure, but that doesn't mean that I didn't want to. The first time you had me wondering was when you left me in the rain, outside that bar, drunk as hell and you just drove off. I wanted to follow you but I barely knew you, so I let it go but the thing is, I didn't.' _

Brennan put down the letter. She needed a break. And another beer. Why were relationships always so complicated? This man was pouring his heart out to her in this letter, saying he had wanted her for as long as he knew her, how come she never saw it? Only that wasn't true, was it. She had known. She'd seen it plenty of times. But she hadn't acted on it because relationships and Temperance Brennan don't mix. And frankly, the desire this man had for her had scared her. She'd have to tell him that in her response. But did she want him to know?

What the hell, she decided. I'm half way across the world, it's not as if I have to tell him to his face.

She had one more paragraph to go, and she could see he had struggled here. It was all messy and scratched out, his writing erratic.

'_I hope I won't frighten you with what I'm about to say. But it needs to be said. _

_Bones, I told you on many occasions about the beauty of love. Because it really is eternal. And it is worth all the heartache. It really is, so if you want me to show you, I'm here for you. Just don't break my heart, because if you do that, it's high treason. I can't handle that. It's either one or the other, either you take all of me or you keep your distance and don't change your mind. Because this back and forth is killing me just as much as it's killing you. So make up your mind, Bones, and write back to me. You don't have to answer me right away, take your time, but it's really the only option I can see. I can't do this knowing how you feel and how stupid we both have been. __I will answer any question you have about how this will work, just ask me, I won't think less of you, I'll only love you more for trying. I hate that you took yourself away from me to a place where I can't protect you, because I need to know you're ok. So please keep writing or call me because I can't live with not knowing._

_I love you._

_Be safe. _

_Booth._

The 'I love you'- part was the only thing that he had been sure about writing. It was written with a sure hand, the 'y' beautifully curved. She brushed her thumb over the paper. Stupid emotions, she thought. Her eyes were teary. What had she done to this man? How, in what strange way did she deserve all of his love? And what about Hannah? And would he really answer her questions? Because she had plenty. She also felt a strange tug at her heart, the same she'd felt when she was about to confess her mistake to him. She realized it was how she felt when she was about to make a life altering decision. Only she hoped her next move was a smart one, because just as Booth couldn't handle the back and forth, she couldn't handle his confessions. He was so open with her, it scared her. She didn't know what to do. She felt as if she was in control of his life, standing at a crossing and having a choice: Turning right and following her heart against her better judgment, or turning left and following her brain but abandoning his heart in the process. For him it wouldn't be a choice. So why was it the most difficult one ever for her?

Suddenly, she felt an urge to call him. To hear his voice and to make sure this letter was really coming from him. It didn't add up with the man she saw at work. But then again, it was just like the man who had talked to her after their cases, in her home, or at the Founding Fathers. He had told her how love was worth every sacrifice, how making love was about two people becoming one, and she had agreed with him because he had to be right, because she had no evidence to back her up in any discussion she could have started. She wanted to hear that man explain to her that it would all be all right. That she'd work here for a while, that her work would eventually cause her to see everything more clearly, that she would understand everything and that she would come back, to him, a single man who no longer possessed control of his heart. And she wanted him to tell her they'd be together.

But she didn't know how. How do you start a conversation like that? And for the second time this month, Brennan felt no confidence at all.

She decided to sit down, read his letter again and start writing back to him. It would take the letter a total of 4 days to reach Booth so she could always call him after having posted the letter.

She walked over to her fridge, got another beer, and got some paper. She had no idea where to begin. The emotions shown by Booth in his letter had thrown her completely off base. She'd expected him to say he was ok with her taking time off and that he wished her all the best, but that was in no way what she'd gotten. There was one thing though.

His response made her feel loved. For the first time since his confession to her, she felt as if someone in this world cared more for her than they cared for themselves.


	4. Vulnerable  1

The Words

4. Vulnerable

Booth sat in his office. He was thinking about the conversation he had had with Bones, two days ago now. He hadn't been able to wrap his mind around it quite yet. She had called him in response to his letter, to let him know that she'd written him back and to tell him how much she appreciated his honesty. He had told her he had always been honest with her, and he would always be.

Her next question kept on ringing through his head.

'How do you know that you'll love me in forty or fifty years?'

She had taken his line from when he had confessed his love to her and it had made so much sense to him. She wanted to know how he could promise that to her without any doubts in his mind. Only thing was, he didn't have an answer. He had told her that it was just a certainty, that he felt there were people who were supposed to be together. She had told him they were indeed a great team, and he'd countered that that wasn't what he meant. But he couldn't explain what he had meant. He hoped he hadn't scared her. Fortunately, she had already posted her letter, so she couldn't change her mind about what she'd written to him. But he couldn't, with the greatest willpower in his body, find a way to answer her question. How did he know? He just did.

Hannah had been annoyed by his newly found openness with Bones. She had caught a few lines of his first letter to her and it had upset her, even though she would never admit it to him, he had seen it. She had become a little more distant, more careful with what she said to him and how she said it. But he couldn't really be bothered. He in no way wanted to get rid of her but he did want to make sure she understood how far his commitment to Bones went and how far it went beyond what he had with her. Not because he didn't love her, because he did in a way. But just because he and Bones had such a different relationship. It had never been about sex, when with Hannah, it had always been about sex. At first, it had been only about sex and the rest had evolved from that. With Bones, it had been the opposite.

After a few more hours of killing time at work, Seeley decided to go home. He took some paperwork with him to kill time at home, and he settled on his couch. He'd greeted Hannah who was at work in their bedroom, being someone who loved working on her laptop on their bed. She'd greeted him with a warm smile but really nothing else, and he'd been fine with that.

Slowly but surely, Hannah was pulling herself out of his life. She had to, for her own sake. Seeley would hurt her badly if she didn't protect herself. He would never mean to do it but it would happen. Because Hannah had come to see these past few days that even though he cared about her, he couldn't wait to hear from Temperance. She had overheard a part of her phone call to him, she'd heard him explain how some people were supposed to be together. He had never said him and Temperance were those people, but he had strongly implied it, and it had sounded so real and true that she had instantly believed him. Her female instincts told her Seeley was taken and he wasn't hers to have. So she'd left him alone with Brennan on the phone, and now she was bringing him her letter. Delicate, elegant writing graced an envelope which carried multiple stamps and marks from having crossed half the world. Hannah sighed, picked it up from the doormat and brought it to Seeley.

'Here, another letter from Temperance, I think,' she said.

He tried to sound less enthusiastic than he was. 'Oh, really. Great.'

She handed him the letter. 'Come on, don't think me stupid enough to believe that. You're delighted. And you are allowed to be. I'll leave you to it,' she said, kissed his forehead and left.

He sighed. She really wasn't fooled. Woman's instincts, he guessed. He felt a little guilty towards her, knowing she felt as if she was sharing but in reality, it was worse.

Then his attention turned back to the envelope in his hands. He opened it and unfolded Bones' letter.

'_Dear Booth._

_I didn't mean of us to start corresponding in this manner, but I find I do not mind it. It is an effective way of communication without actual visual or auditory contact._

_I realize it is hard for you to openly communicate about your feelings and I think it is very commendable that you did. Thank you for being open with me, as you know I'm not good with people and most people tend to close themselves off from me in an attempt to keep me at a distance. You were one of the first people who let me in but at the same time didn't compromise in showing me your own personality. But I also think therein lies the danger. Because I tried to do the same, but I can't be certain I succeeded. So you may think you know me, and you may think you know how anything in our relationship will go, but the truth is you can't be sure. I want to believe you are right about your feelings for me. I want to believe that you will be satisfied with me. But if I can't be certain, I won't take the chance, you know that.' _

Booth sighed. He did know that. All too well. It had eaten away at him on many occasions, why couldn't she just be sure of this, or why couldn't she take a chance for once? He knew she was insecure about love and relationships but now she was telling him she was insecure about his feelings? That was one step too far.

He thought back over their years together. Something hit him. He had thought that he had proven his love for her so many times. But what if she had just passed it off as true friendship and hadn't realized the underlying meaning? And being partners in such a dangerous profession hadn't helped: Most of his actions could be seen as protective or just looking out for each other. He would have to tell her that he meant to be protective as well as loving to her.

'_Currently I am working on remains of numerous attacks, there is a lot of work for me to lose myself in. In a way it gives me clarity. I am only dealing with facts again, where I used to deal with facts and a whole lot of emotional baggage coming with working closely with many people. Here it is just me and my lab assistant, a competent and intelligent man who__, however nice and handsome, doesn't appeal to me sexually. I can distance myself from everything, from my work and my environment to create the best possible objective environment. That also made it possible for me to think thoroughly about everything you wrote to me. For example, you say you know things with Hannah are fleeting. When did you know that? Did you see it coming? Because if you didn't, then how do you know it won't happen with us?' _

He knew this question had bugged her for a while because it was almost the same question as the one she'd asked him on the phone, how could he know he would love her in many, many years. He just did, period. But that wasn't good enough for her. Fact was, there were different kinds of relationships and Bones didn't understand the difference in emotions that came with it. He also didn't miss the fact that she almost directly called him sexually appealing.

'_You know that I have had a history of being unable to maintain a relationship. I will explain to you why that is. This is one of those parts of me you don't know because I didn't want you to know. But you confessed to me, so I feel I have to do the same. _

_Relationships are subjective. They need two people to begin with, so the variables are endless. That is one thing that is difficult for me to deal with. Then there is the part of a relationship possibly being the beginning of a deeper commitment. That kind of commitment deals with even more variables and when a man indicates the desire to initiate such a relationship, one in which two people share everything, including the possibility of a future, I feel the need to protect myself from that. It would require me to adjust my life according to how the other person lives and that is something I have never been ready to do. In fact, having to change to fit another person's needs scares me. It means I have to change and I don't know how.' _

He recognized her words from that one night, and he got sad. Life had been mean to Bones. She had seen people's reactions to her throughout school and university and she'd drawn the conclusion that if she wanted to be happy with someone, she had to change. While she was such a beautiful person, she had had more bad experiences than good ones with men and her mind had decided to refrain from committing to someone because she believed one way or another, she'd end up having to change herself. And she was probably right. Even Sul had tried to make her more adventurous and less committed to facts than she was when he had asked her to go with him. Booth was glad she hadn't gone. But now he felt so sad knowing Bones was scared of commitment.

He took a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down: 'You don't have to be scared of committing yourself to a relationship with me. I won't change you because you can't be changed for the better.'

Then, he read on.

'_You said you would answer any questions I had. You have to be certain about that because I want to know everything for sure before I decide how this is going to continue. I'm still a scientist, and even though you strongly believe in emotions, I still need to be fully convinced of the value of trusting your gut over your brain. I tried it twice now and twice it failed me. I'm willing to try again but if it fails again I have enough evidence __to suggest that you are wrong. _

_Your relationship with Hannah also didn't help me in believing in my gut and in love. You made me believe you would love me forever, even if that wasn't what you meant with all your talk about love, that's how I perceived it. Now I see what a fool I was because I knew it wasn't true but I believed you anyway. And so I believed you would understand me and you would wait for me, but you didn't. You hurt me, Booth. I know I hurt you too but that was never my intention, that was how you perceived it and you didn't really give me an opening to explain myself more carefully. Bu you, you talked me into believing in love and then you threw it back in my face. That's how I see it now, but I also believe that we could be a good team together in life as well as in our work.' _

Ouch, that hurt. Badly. She was being very, very honest with him. It was one of her sides that he loved when it came to others, but didn't like so much when it was directed at him. He felt humiliated, and he had to collect himself in order to see that she was right. He had blamed her for being so damned confusing but in reality, she shouldn't be blamed for not being perfect in love. He should have helped her.

Another thing started nagging at him. He was starting to feel really guilty towards Hannah. She had left the room to give him privacy, and a few minutes ago she had even left the house, without calling to him and without him going after her to ask where she was going and if she was all right. He hated himself for that. Hannah was great, and she didn't deserve this just as Bones didn't deserve to see him with Hannah. But then again, Bones was on the other side of the world. And what if in the end, she decided to not pursue this after all? If he broke up with Hannah, he'd be back out there again, alone. And if Bones weren't in his life, he could have easily seen himself end up with a woman like Hannah. But the drug named Temperance Brennan had him addicted and like any drug, a substitute only gave temporary relief. Sooner rather than later he'd be back needing Bones as much as he needed his next breath.

**A/N: this will continue in the next chapter, I saw my chapters getting longer and longer so I thought I'd cut this letter in half. I'll repeat what she wrote already at the beginning of Ch5.**

**Rate and review, comments are greatly appreciated! Also, if you spot any mistakes, let me know.**


	5. Vulnerable 2

**Author's Note: First of all thank you all of you who reviewed, I'm sorry I didn't reply to each of you in person, hope you'll forgive me.**

**This is the second part of Brennan's letter to Booth and he'll change his attitude in this. I, too, didn't like the new Booth we saw in S6, so I'm changing him back. Tell me what you think!**

The Words

5. Vulnerable (2)

"_Dear Booth._

_I didn't mean of us to start corresponding in this manner, but I find I do not mind it. It is an effective way of communication without actual visual or auditory contact._

_I realize it is hard for you to openly communicate about your feelings and I think it is very commendable that you did. Thank you for being open with me, as you know I'm not good with people and most people tend to close themselves off from me in an attempt to keep me at a distance. You were one of the first people who let me in but at the same time didn't compromise in showing me your own personality. But I also think therein lies the danger. Because I tried to do the same, but I can't be certain I succeeded. So you may think you know me, and you may think you know how anything in our relationship will go, but the truth is you can't be sure. I want to believe you are right about your feelings for me. I want to believe that you will be satisfied with me. But if I can't be certain, I won't take the chance, you know that._

_Currently I am working on remains of numerous attacks, there is a lot of work for me to lose myself in. In a way it gives me clarity. I am only dealing with facts again, where I used to deal with facts and a whole lot of emotional baggage coming with working closely with many people. Here it is just me and my lab assistant, a competent and intelligent man who, however nice and handsome, doesn't appeal to me sexually. I can distance myself from everything, from my work and my environment to create the best possible objective environment. That also made it possible for me to think thoroughly about everything you wrote to me. For example, you say you know things with Hannah are fleeting. When did you know that? Did you see it coming? Because if you didn't, then how do you know it won't happen with us?_

_You know that I have had a history of being unable to maintain a relationship. I will explain to you why that is. This is one of those parts of me you don't know because I didn't want you to know. But you confessed to me, so I feel I have to do the same. _

_Relationships are subjective. They need two people to begin with, so the variables are endless. That is one thing that is difficult for me to deal with. Then there is the part of a relationship possibly being the beginning of a deeper commitment. That kind of commitment deals with even more variables and when a man indicates the desire to initiate such a relationship, one in which two people share everything, including the possibility of a future, I feel the need to protect myself from that. It would require me to adjust my life according to how the other person lives and that is something I have never been ready to do. In fact, having to change to fit another person's needs scares me. It means I have to change and I don't know how._

_You said you would answer any questions I had. You have to be certain about that because I want to know everything for sure before I decide how this is going to continue. I'm still a scientist, and even though you strongly believe in emotions, I still need to be fully convinced of the value of trusting your gut over your brain. I tried it twice now and twice it failed me. I'm willing to try again but if it fails again I have enough evidence to suggest that you are wrong. _

_Your relationship with Hannah also didn't help me in believing in my gut and in love. You made me believe you would love me forever, even if that wasn't what you meant with all your talk about love, that's how I perceived it. Now I see what a fool I was because I knew it wasn't true but I believed you anyway. And so I believed you would understand me and you would wait for me, but you didn't. You hurt me, Booth. I know I hurt you too but that was never my intention, that was how you perceived it and you didn't really give me an opening to explain myself more carefully. But you, you talked me into believing in love and then you threw it back in my face. That's how I see it now, but I also believe that we could be a good team together in life as well as in our work."_

God, this woman.. She'd be the death of him one day. He stood up and paced through his living room, needing to think before he continued reading. She was being so open with him, so vulnerable, he'd seen her like that only twice. The night she had admitted to him that she was jealous at each and every member of their team for wanting to loose themselves in another person, and the night she had told him she'd made a mistake. She had come close when he asked her to give them a chance, but something had been off and she had just been defensive and sad, and not completely open with him. It was a bit unsettling to know that the woman who was always the scientist, who believed in hard evidence and in her brains over her heart, was opening herself up to him while he was nowhere near enough to comfort her if she needed it. It scared him because he knew it could compromise her safety if she were to get distracted because of her state of mind. On the other hand, he was really glad she was doing this for him because everything just made so much more sense. He had always known this side of her to exist but he had rarely seen it.

He looked outside for a few minutes before returning to the letter. Only two paragraphs left.

'_I wish you happiness more than I wish it for myself, because I believe my only chance at it was with you.__ I can't afford to trust a man with everything I am now because I am so much more afraid of getting hurt, I know it will hurt me more than it would have before. Now I know you still believe we can make this work but I have doubts as well as hopes. My doubts are that we waited too long. We're good friends and I value that over anything else. If a romantic relationship destroys that I won't do it. Also, you don't know me in that way. I'm a different person when I'm in a relationship. I'm difficult, I don't compromise, work comes first, I get anxious, I get scared, I can have very bad dreams at night, I will keep you awake, I sometimes need a snack in the middle of the night, I am a perfectionist, I don't understand romantics. That's how it will be if you still want to pursue this. You won't like it and I don't blame you, but that's who I am and that's why I've failed in finding a compatible mate before.'_

A smile had appeared on his face. She was warning him to stay away from her because of every reason why he loved her. He loved her difficult tantrums, her work ethic, the times when she needs him to comfort or help her, her sudden ideas and sudden cravings. The dreams he could help with, he knew for sure. He'd write back to her this evening, he'd waste no time on this. He'd also call her because clearly she needed a confidence booster and he'd give her one.

He moved on to her final paragraph.

_Now you know my secrets, I hope I haven't scared you too much. Usually, I am more confident in myself. But you know me too well and that changes a lot for me, I am anxious that I changed your image of me beyond repair. If that is so, please do tell me, I will accept it and move on. I feel I will be working here for quite some time since it has been enjoyable, but I would like to stay in touch because I feel some regret at leaving everyone behind. Tell everyone at the lab I love them and I send them my regards. Tell Hannah I said hi, and don't lead her on. She doesn't deserve that._

_Yours, _

_Bones.' _

He didn't know whether to be angry at her or sad. Didn't she just understand that she had every reason to be confident and no reason whatsoever to be anxious? Yes, this was a different side to her, but it was adorable. Utterly adorable and his heart swelled just thinking about her being like that when they are together. It would be refreshing to be able to talk to her in such a state of mind where every feeling she felt wasn't filtered out by her brain. Also, she was right about Hannah. He'd have to talk to her soon, Hannah was no fool. She knew what was going on. He was surprised she hadn't brought it up, but then again she wouldn't because she still didn't really understand the depth of his relationship with Bones. She never would, no one really did. Cam and Angela came close but even they didn't see that he wasn't the man he used to be. Hannah didn't stir the deep, profound kind of protectiveness Bones stirred in him. He didn't need her like he needed Temperance. More to the point, if he would have to wait six years for a relationship with Hannah, he was sure he would have moved on in the first week.

Booth sat at his desk for the remainder of the afternoon, waiting for Hannah to return and thinking about what to say to her. He wasn't someone who broke up with women, women did that to him and he handled it like a man. But not this time. Only he was afraid of what he was about to do. He was about to condemn himself to a lonely time, without Hannah and without Bones because whatever he'd say to Bones, she wasn't coming back yet. He knew her, she wouldn't feel up to it and she had started this project, and she'd be damned if she left it unfinished. Breaking up with Hannah meant he'd be alone for at least a few months. The two people he had talked to about stuff like this in the past months would either be sad and angry with him or be in a desert identifying war victims. Still, the right thing was the right thing and this was it. Bones was right. He had lead Hannah on and he had never meant to do it. She hadn't been a consolation prize, not at first. He had just been trying to prove to Brennan that if she didn't see him as her partner for life, there would be someone out there who would be that for her. Only his stupid man brain had lead him to the wrong means.

He was still cursing himself and getting angry with himself when Hannah came back.

'Hey Seeley, where are you?' she called.

'In here, babe,' he answered and got up to see what she had been up to. Hannah came around the corner and kissed him on his cheek. 'What did Temperance write?' she asked innocently.

'Oh, the usual, she's identifying people and she's liking it,' he answered. 'She says hi.'

Hannah nodded. 'Nice, tell her I said hi back.'

'Yeah, I need to talk to you about that,' Booth started.

'About me saying hi to Temperance?' Hannah didn't understand him.

'No, about us. You and me and Bones and me and Bones and you.'

'Oh.'

Hannah looked at him, not knowing whether he wanted her to say something more or not.

'Yeah, right, can we do this now? I mean, are you busy?'

She frowned. 'No I'm not busy, I just came back from the office, I'm free. Let's talk.'

She sat on the couch and Booth joined her but didn't sit too close.

'Talk to me Seeley, what's going on?'

Booth looked at her, grateful for her opening but really, really afraid of what to say next.

'Ok, right. Ok. First of all, I want you to know that Bones has nothing to do with this. She's not to blame, ok? It's all on me. Get angry with me all you want but it's on me.'

Hannah put her hand over his. 'Seeley, are you all right?'

'Yeah, fine. It's just.. I've made some very big mistakes and I don't know if I can put them right but I want to try. With Bones, I mean. I made mistakes with her and she's gone because of me.'

Hannah nodded. 'You mentioned something like that. But don't blame yourself for her outbursts, she's like that.'

He felt slightly annoyed at Hannah thinking she knew Bones as well as he did. 'Yeah, but you see, when she left for Maluku she told me. Even though we were in a rough time back then, she trusted me enough to come to me and tell me. And that has changed. I betrayed her trust so badly that she felt she couldn't tell me in person that she was planning to go to Iraq. Ever since I came back from Afghanistan I've treated her differently.'

'Well, that's to be expected when you come back with a girlfriend, right?' Hannah said. Then, she understood.

'Oh.'

'Yeah,' Booth said. 'You see my problem? I don't want to loose you, Hannah but I'm going to. This sounds like something a girl would say but my heart isn't in it. You're great and I love you but it isn't fair because I love someone else as well and I wish I didn't. But I do.'

Hannah looked down at her hands. 'You're breaking up with me.'

'Yeah. I'm sorry, Hannah.'

She shook her head. 'No, it's ok. I never expected this to happen now but I knew it would happen some day. You are the marrying kind, and I'm not. But I don't understand why, because Temperance isn't the marrying kind either, is she?'

Booth looked at her. 'She isn't but she will be. She needs to learn to trust me again.'

Hannah looked back at him. She didn't believe her ears. She didn't know what to say.

'Ok,' Booth said. 'I really hope you understand. I can try to explain if you want me to.'

Hannah stood, getting angry. 'Yeah, explain to me. Explain why the hell you pretended to just be friends. Why the hell you never told me you loved her. You said in Afghanistan that you were not in a relationship. And sure, physically you weren't but you were still lying. I never should have followed you here.'

He took it all like a man, knowing she was partially right. He had been hurt and he had needed comfort, someone to nurture his wounds.

'I know, I'm sorry,' he said. 'But it doesn't mean I didn't love you. You were so open about what you felt, and I loved that.'

'Do you have Temperance's cell number? I'm calling her. I need to talk to her about this.'

'Ok, I guess,' Booth said and handed her his phone. He looked while she browsed through the names and dialed Bones' number.

'It's probably night back there,' he said. Hannah just looked out the window. 'Can you leave?'

'Sure,' he said, and headed for the bedroom to give Hannah some privacy. He was dying to know what she was going to say and he hoped it wouldn't be anything mean or anything that would make Bones doubt herself.

'Brennan.'

'Hi, Temperance, it's Hannah.'

'Hi Hannah, how are you? Why are you using Booths phone?'

'I didn't have your number, listen. We need to talk.'

'Ok, I have some time. Did my letter arrive yet?'

'Yeah, that's what we need to talk about. Seeley—

'You read the letter?' Brennan asked, a little apprehensive.

'No, Seeley broke up with me, Temperance.'

Silence.

'Temperance?'

'Yes, I am here. I'm sorry. He what? He shouldn't have. I told him not to. Technically. Oh.'

'What oh?' Hannah frowned.

'Well technically, I might have inferred that if he felt he wasn't being fair to you he should tell you. So technically..'

'Yeah, technically he broke up with me.'

'Yeah. I'm so sorry, Hannah.'

'Don't be, it's ok, really. But you promise me one thing. Don't ever break his heart again. I know you told me that but I'm telling you now. He would have handled it if I had done it, but he won't be able to live with himself if you do. Please.'

Temperance nodded, even though she knew Hannah wouldn't be able to see. 'I won't break his heart. I just hope he doesn't break mine.'

'Look,' Hannah said. 'He loves you. Very, very much. He won't break your heart. Just don't take everything he says literal. I will tell him that too. Just.. Listen to each other and please, please work this out. Both of you don't deserve what you've been doing to each other.'

'Thanks, Hannah. I'll try. And I really am very sorry.'

'I know, thanks, Temperance. Bye.'

Before Temperance could answer, Hannah hung up.

Halfway across the world, Temperance Brennan sat up in her bed, dazed from what had just happened and unable to move or think straight. What now? She wasn't ready to go back to him, and frankly she had no intention to do so. But he had just severed his bond with Hannah to continue one with her. On one side, that made her intensely and unethically happy. On another, it scared the crap out of her and it made her wonder whether she would have written everything she had if she had known this would happen so fast.

Back home, Booth watched as Hannah gathered her few belongings, mouthed her goodbye and left. His decision had been made. The woman he truly loved might put up one hell of a fight, but he wasn't going to let her win again. Not anymore. She had made clear to him that deep down, she did want him. And deep down, she'd had him all along. He was going to make her see that.

**A/N: Yes, she's gone. And the next chapter won't be about a letter, either. Promise you I'll keep updating! Reviews speed up the writing though.**


	6. Resolutions 1

**A/N: Sorry for the slight delay (although it hasn't been too long). This might be different from what you were expecting, but I hope it's still good!**

The Words 6

Resolutions, part 1

"_Dear Bones,_

_I'll start with the most important thing. __You don't have to be scared of committing yourself to a relationship with me. I won't change you because you can't be changed for the better."_

Booth looked at his paper. Hannah was gone and somehow, he felt nervous. He didn't know what to write to her that would make her feel better and make her more confident. He was also still in shock from what had happened just an hour earlier. Hannah had broken up with him, and then she'd called Bones. He had no idea what about, but he could guess. Hannah wanted the best for him so she had probably told Bones to look after him. He wanted to write something to soothe her nerves and make her understand that everything was her call. Even though he knew they were beyond that. Everything they had written, it was too intimate and too much to let it all come down to her call. Also, her call was usually to put a stop to things and he couldn't let her do that.

He contemplated calling her. They needed to talk, really talk, but he knew her defense mechanisms and cold phone calls was one of them. He wasn't feeling up for her voice saying things her mind didn't believe so he decided to write back to her asap, and make sure she got the meaning of his words right this time: He'd hand deliver his letter himself.

He continued writing, suddenly needing to write everything down that was going through his head.

'_And of course you can ask me anything and I'll answer it all truthfully. Just don't be scared. I know you see relationships collapse all around you but believe me, it doesn't have to be that way. Some people are meant to be happy together, and we're some of those people Bones. I tried to tell you several times but I see now I should have just told you straight up. As long as we talk to each other, tell each other what we want and what we don't want, and trust each other when something is wrong, we'll be fine. We'll be more than fine, we'll have a great time together because we already have a strong friendship. Do you think anything can break that? I don't. Nobody is perfect, we will have arguments and disagreements but they'll be nothing compared to the fun and love we will share, Bones. And I think deep down you know that. _

_I love that you say that you think we still have a chance. I hate that you say that you think your only chance is with me. Because that is not true. I'm jealous all the time when we go for drinks because you get the look from every guy in the place, all night long. You don't notice it but it's true. You're unique and they know it. They just don't know how to deal with it and that's not a bad thing. Because it means I still have a chance after all these years. Don't get scared, Bones. Don't bail out on me when I deliver this letter to you. _

_I think we need to talk in person, not just through these letters. So I decided to bring this letter to you personally, and I don't know how that will go down with you but I hope you'll give me a chance to explain myself. I don't want to pressure you into anything and I hope I'm doing the right thing but I need you to accept me into your life this time, Bones. Just do it. Don't analyze. Go with it._

_Love, _

_Booth._

He kept his letter short and to the point, knowing she'd probably kill him or retreat into herself like she had done before. But not this time. She won't be able to see this one coming, he thought, smiling at himself. He decided he needed to call her to make sure she'd be where he wanted her to be for his arrival, but he would try not to give away his plans. He bought himself a ticket to, according to the flight company's website, one of the most dangerous places to go at this moment, and set about making his plan work.

The day before he was flying out to her, he called her. Not to tell her he was coming, but just to make sure she was all right, find out where she would be and talk to her a little. He wasn't nervous at all but when he heard her voice he could hear something was not settled within her.

'Hi, Bones, how are things?'

On the other side of the world, Brennan had had a really bad day and she was tired beyond words. The tiredness made her mind reach back to his letters and not soon after that, she would start to doubt everything. Right at that moment, Booth had called her. Right when her mind was rationalizing beyond what even she knew was logical, he called her.

'I'm fine, Booth. How are you?'

He could hear she wasn't fine.

'I'm good, everything here is really fine. You sure you're ok there?'

'Yeah,' she answered. 'Rough day, that's all.'

'Funny how you say that when I just got out of bed,' Booth joked.

'Well, that's only logical,' Brennan answered, not really in the mood.

'Yeah, I know. Sorry.

They hadn't talked since Hannah broke up with Booth, and Brennan didn't want to mention it but felt she should.

'You broke up with her,' she stated simply. Booth's heart fell. He was hoping to avoid this conversation but she wouldn't let him. 'Yeah, I did.'

'You shouldn't have.'

'Bones, I had to. There is no other way this is going to go down. You understand that, don't you? This is how this is going to go, I break up with Hannah, mend my bruised heart by myself and then I pursue you because I know you won't come to me willingly. But deep down you know it's the right thing and I will make you see that.'

Brennan didn't know what to say. 'Ok.'

'Come on Bones, you can't write letters full of emotion to me and expect me to believe you don't feel anything. I don't deserve that.'

She knew he was right. 'I know, I'm just not used to expressing my feelings towards you over the phone.'

'You won't have to,' Booth said, and immediately corrected his slip of the tongue. 'You'll be home in a while, won't you?'

'Yeah, but not soon, Booth.'

'That's ok,' he said, smiling to himself. 'You just stay.. Wherever you are. Where are you anyway?'

'Coroners office close to the Embassy, it's safe here,' Bones answered.

He heard her trying to reassure him and he loved it. 'Good. You just make sure you are able to come back to me and let me know the second something goes wrong, so I can take you out of that mess.'

'I don't need protecting Booth.'

'My mistake. Look, I'll write again soon. And please don't stay there too long, everyone misses you and Thai doesn't taste half as good when you eat it alone.'

'Ok, I won't stay too long. It's getting kind of lonely here, too. I miss everyone, I never thought I would.'

Booth sighed. 'We're your friends, Bones. Of course you're going to miss us. I'd be grossly disappointed if you didn't.'

'Yeah, you're right. Thanks for calling.'

'Anytime, babe.'

Brennan's heart warmed at his affectionate name for her, she shouldn't like it because it sounded possessive, but she didn't really mind. She just hoped she still didn't mind if he said it when she was with him. Accepting his emotions over the phone was easy, but truth be told, she was postponing her return to the USA because she needed more time to figure everything out before facing this new, open Booth.

'Well, I guess I'll be awaiting your letter, and I'll write you back. Bye, Booth.'

'Bye Bones, be careful.'

He heard her sigh and disconnect. She knew he cared about her safety and she hadn't fought it too hard. Booth was hopeful. He just hoped she wouldn't turn violent the second she saw him because in a way, he was about to betray her trust. She trusted him to understand her need for space and loneliness for a while, and he just couldn't. She had to see that she could trust him to take care of her and he knew that would be one hell of a fight to win.

The second he got off the plane he felt deep anxiety raising in his chest. Also, an urgent need to see Temperance Brennan overwhelmed him. Where was she? He had planned out the route to the embassy and arranged for them to know he was coming, and his purpose was clear. They had agreed to take care of his visa and transport to bring him safely to his, or her, location.

He drove through Iraq for about 30 minutes and in those thirty minutes he saw more despair, anger and fear than he had ever seen in his years as a cop. Of course he knew warzones, he had been in his fair share of them but never had he been there as a civilian. The perspective was so different that he was caught off guard by how it affected him. In retrospect, it was a good thing that his defenses were lowered by what he saw, because he was about to walk right into another warzone, one he had created all by himself.

He parked his car outside of the coroners office, got out and approached the door. Just as he was about to walk the few steps towards the main entrance, Bones walked through the door, arguing with an Iraqi looking man.

'No, the facts state that cause of death was a severed spinal cord between the C6 and C7. I know you found evidence of that.. No, if you can find proof to back up that theory I will go back to the body. Right now I have more pressing matters..'

Then she saw Booth.

He was standing on the first of three steps, frozen in place, intrigued by the change he saw in front of him.

'Booth?' It was almost a question, but not quite. There was surprise in her voice, and he felt hope.

'Hey, Bones.'

'Booth! What are you doing here? Why did you come out here? I told you not to!'

Brennan's assistant hurried off back inside the building, knowing when to flee. The look in Brennan's eyes was rapidly changing from surprise and slight happiness (which she had concealed from Booth's observant eyes but she had definitely felt herself) to anger and confusion.

'Hey, calm down. I have something for you,' he said, holding out the letter he had written.

'There are things called post offices, you know,' Brennan said, her voice more angry than her words. 'I told you to leave me alone here.'

'Yes, you did and yes, I disobeyed.'

'You are.. You're insufferable. Why did you come out here?'

He walked towards her, his feet finally being able to move again. When he was still outside her personal space, but only just, he stopped. She took a step back, needing to distance herself.

'You're repeating yourself, Bones,' he started, but he felt it was the wrong approach. She didn't need him to challenge her now. 'But I needed to see you. Talk to you, in person. If that's ok.'

'It's not. I didn't want you to come here. Please leave.'

He could see from the way she was avoiding his eyes and how her arms and hands seemed to have trouble staying in one place that she was having difficulty controlling her emotions. He had to break that first barrier, the one she had started to build the second she saw him. It was only in its first stages and he would be able to take it down with a few well aimed shots.

'I'm scared, Bones.'

She looked at him, not saying anything, trying to figure him out.

'I'm really scared and I need to talk to you about it.'

She stayed still so he approached her and when she didn't move, he put his arms around her. A guy hug, the one she had promised she'd give to him when he got scared. She accepted his need for bodily contact and put her arms around his shoulders, in a friendly way, soothing him even though she didn't know why.

'Come on, let's get to my place, we can talk there,' she said after a few seconds. He broke their healing hug and nodded. 'Thanks, Bones.'

'No problem. But I still think you shouldn't have come.'

'That's fine,' he joked. She looked at him and for the first time since his arrival, their eyes met.

In that one, single, unguarded moment Booth saw everything he needed to see. Hope sparked in his heart and he knew for a fact that everything would be ok. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday, and someday soon, she'd let her guard down and she'd let them try to be together. And until then, he could wait.

She broke the eye contact and walked past him. 'Did you get a rental? Because I usually walk home but that would mean leaving your car here.'

He nodded, following her. 'Yeah, it's a rental. Come on, hop in. It's the best ride ever.'

She couldn't suppress a laugh because the car was obviously closer to a wreck than to a car. Getting in on the passenger side, she felt calm. He was here. She didn't want to depend on him but fact was, she already did. She had missed him so badly and just hearing his voice, close to her, and seeing his face made her realize what she had run away from. Three times now she had run away from this man and still he was coming after her. She smiled to herself.

Booth saw it.

'What's so funny?' he asked, starting the car and starting towards where he knew her apartment was.

'Nothing,' she said, shaking her head. 'It's good to see you.'

**A/N: Tell me what you think, is it too soon for them to be together? Next chapter will be a bit angsty but not too much. I just like making Booth sweat a little. Please R&R!**


	7. Resolutions 2

**Author's Note: This is a short one, because I know I won't have much time the coming days to write more I thought I'd at least give you what I have. Not a very exciting chapter but I hope you like it nonetheless. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed or alerted/favorited this story so far. Please R&R!**

The Words 7

Resolutions, part II

'How do you know where I live, anyway?'

She looked at him curiously, wondering just how prepared he was and how many strings he had pulled to get the information he seemed to have.

'Oh, I have my ways,' he answered. 'Wasn't too much trouble once I located you.'

'It's dangerous, Booth, you shouldn't have come.'

He sighed and looked at her. 'How many times are you going to say that? I wanted to come so here I am, deal with it.'

'I'm going to say that as many times as I want, Booth. You shouldn't have come.'

He dropped it because he knew she wouldn't buckle. 'Fine. How have you been?'

'Fine, we spoke on the phone not too long ago and not much has changed since. A few difficult identifications but other than that, it's fine.'

He nodded. 'Good.'

She looked at him, and he saw it but didn't show it. He kept his eyes on the road, they were almost at her place. She kept watching him and when he turned into a parking space close to her door, she seemed to wake up from her musings and suddenly looked nervous.

'Well, we're here, come on, let's go inside,' Booth said, getting out of the car and walking over to the passenger side. His plan had been to open the door for her but she was already out, not needing or wanting his help at this point.

'So why exactly did you come here?' she asked, once they were inside and settled on her couch with a beer.

'I wanted to give this to you myself. It's just a short one, but it'll do,' he said, digging in his bag for the envelope. He handed her the letter and she looked at him. 'Still, I think you could just have posted it.'

'But I didn't want to. Read it.'

She suddenly felt self-conscious, because his earlier letters had had the power to reduce her to a pile of emotional goo. 'I'll read it later, tell me, how is everything back home?'

'Come on, read it. It's kind of important that you know before we talk.'

'Did something happen?'

He shook his head. 'It's nothing like that. It's just.. Some answers to the questions you had. Read, I'll look around here for a bit and unpack some stuff. Give you some space.'

She nodded, grateful for his understanding but also a bit apprehensive. This emotional connection with Booth was fine the way it was. Would it really work if they were in an intimate relationship? And what if she made him work so hard and ended up disappointing him anyway? Yes, the insecurities were back. Only now she wasn't sure she'd be able to hide them from Booth, because not only had he read all of her feelings for him in her letters, he had also been exposed to this side of her that she hadn't really shown to anyone. It would be difficult to hide it from him again, if not impossible.

Booth walked around her apartment. It was small but nice, wooden floor and a separate kitchen and guestroom. He got his bag from the living room, casting a look at Bones who seemed to be reading his letter. He put his stuff in the guestroom, realizing he had no idea how long he would be staying. He had packed for a few days, but only because he hadn't dared to hope for her acceptance in the first place.

Brennan read his letter, afraid of looking where Booth was because she knew he would see her weakness in her eyes. His words were supposed to soothe her and make her more comfortable opening up to him but they did the opposite. What did he want her to say, do? She didn't know how to deal with this. Throw some scientific problem her way and she'd solve it in a sec, but this was way different. She finished reading and decided to do as he said, ask him her questions.

'Booth.'

He heard her calling to him, and he came walking out of the guestroom. 'Hey, you done reading?'

'Yeah,' she answered. 'Thank you, you were right, it's short but to the point. I can appreciate that.'

'Great. Tell me what's on your mind.'

She gestured for him to sit down next to her and he did. She shifted on the couch, so that she was facing him.

'I do have some questions.'

'Good, ask me. Just ask.'

He saw her hesitate. 'Come on, Bones. This is why I'm here, I thought you might accept what I say when I say it to you like this. You can doubt what I write because it's passive, you know. But I need some help here. Can't help you if I don't know what's bothering you.'

'I also think our friendship is very strong. But what if we destroy that? When we start a relationship, and our dynamic changes, and our friendship can't coexist with our relationship?'

He smiled at her. 'I thought about that. But you know what, we're already together in every way but one. We care about each other, we admitted our feelings for each other, and I thought maybe yours had changed, but now I know they haven't, and I know mine haven't changed, they've only grown stronger. We've seen so much together and we've made it through it all together, we're just meant to be. And before you say it, I know you don't believe in that. But look at the evidence.'

'The evidence states we are able to handle a lot of pain, you're right,' Brennan said. 'But a sexual relationship would make us both more vulnerable.'

'Don't call it that, a sexual relationship, please,' Booth said, half serious. 'It'll be so much more. And we won't be more vulnerable, we'll be stronger. You'll be there for me to lean on and I'll be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. You don't have to pretend anymore, we can be vulnerable to each other and that will help us be stronger, you know?'

She looked at him, a slight frown. 'I'm not sure I understand.'

'You will, in time, you will,' he said. She looked at him a little longer, then looked down. 'I'm willing to accept your reasoning.'

'Good.'

He saw her looking down at her hands, something bothering her. He thought he knew what it was.

'And I know you're afraid of being vulnerable, especially with someone you love because you think they will abandon you anyway. But I won't. Hey, look at me,' he said, taking her chin in his hand and directing her eyes to his.

'I'm staying.'

She nodded. 'Ok.'

He nodded back. 'Ok. Good.'

She stood, escaping from his grasp on her face. 'Would you like something to eat? It's close to dinner time anyway. I have some rice prepared, only needs warming up.'

He knew she was trying to build the confidence to address more difficult matters with him, and he let her. 'Yeah, sounds great. Need help?'

'You can get the table ready, please,' she said, grateful for his help. She turned to the fridge to take out the food and she started moving around in her kitchen.

Booth took that moment to look at her, really look at her. She had changed here. She looked almost the same as she had when he had first met her. Her figure had changed slightly, it had changed a lot in the year he knew her. She'd been thinner a year or so into their partnership, and he had worried that she wasn't getting enough sleep or food, so he had started taking care of her by bringing by food more regularly.

She was back to her beautiful curvy figure, but it was more toned than before she'd left. Also her hair was back in the high ponytail she'd worn in their first year together. It made her look younger, and it looked cute. He guessed it was also more practical.

Her skin had a glow to it, not really a tan but a glow. He wondered if she'd been outside a lot, she must have been.

It was a homely sight, seeing her pad around on flipflops around her kitchen.

She caught him looking at her and she frowned. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah, Bones. Sure, fine. So. Plates?' He blushed a little, and he wished a hole would appear in the ground to swallow him whole.

'Cabinet under the stove, yeah, that one,' she directed him. 'I'll get the rest.'

She moved to the table, helping him preparing it.

'Would you pour the wine please?'

He nodded. 'Sure.' He couldn't help but feel very happy at the way she was including him in her life immediately. He knew he had a way to go, she wouldn't accept everything just like that, and he knew she was just hiding it from him, but this was a start.

'Bones,' he said. She looked over her shoulder to him. 'Yes?'

'Thanks.'

'For what?' She didn't understand.

'For letting me come here. And help you.'

'You didn't really give me a choice, did you,' she said. 'but you're welcome. I'm glad you're here. I really missed this.'

He walked over to her, making sure to stay at a distance, pretending to check on the rice. 'Me too.'

While he was checking the rice, Brennan checked him. He was standing close, but not too close, knowing she'd appreciate her space. He looked nice, better than when she'd left him to go to Iraq. More relaxed, more at ease with himself. And the shirt he wore accentuated his upper body nicely, she thought to herself. A smile appeared on her face. Maybe this could work, after all.


	8. Resolutions 3

**Author's Note: I was planning on making the 'resolutions' chapter in 2 parts but it became 3. Brennan will give Booth some things to sweat over in the next few chapters, but this one is just sweet.**** A BIG thanks to everyone who is sticking with me on this story, it has been a while since I really wrote fanfiction and it's good to know it's being read!**

The Words 8

Resolutions, part 3.

Booth and Brennan started their first dinner together after a long period of being separated. The only thing that had kept them in touch had been their letters, which had been very emotional for both of them. Now, these emotions were sitting right with them at the dinner table. Both of them were avoiding discussing them, but both of them knew they'd have to soon.

Booth decided to break the ice. 'Bones, I broke up with Hannah because I realized from your letters that I can still be with you. I thought I had blown everything so I went on looking for love with someone else. All I wanted before that was another chance with you..'

She interrupted him. 'I don't want to discuss your relationship with Hannah now.'

He nodded. 'Fair enough. But we need to talk about this, Bones. About us.'

'I know.'

He continued looking at her and he saw she was trying to make up a sentence that would make sense to him without being rude or strange. 'Just say it, Bones. I'll understand,' he helped her.

She met his eyes and sighed. 'Ok. I realize it wasn't fair of me to tell you that I still wanted to be with you when I did. I should have realized it wasn't fair. But I don't regret doing it.'

'And you shouldn't, I needed to know, Bones. But you should have told me when I asked you. I misunderstood, you know, I thought I wasn't good enough for you.'

She threw down her chopsticks. 'I'm just not good at expressing my feelings, you know that, Booth. You could have tried to understand!' She was getting angry without knowing why. She hated it, but at the same time it felt good to get it out. She looked at Booth to see his reaction.

He just looked down and nodded. 'Yeah, I could have tried. It hurt so badly, Bones. And to know it was my own fault to begin with hurt even more, when I read your letter, the one you left at your place? I was so confused. I've been able to read you all this time and I got everything so wrong that night. In fact, it meant I wasn't good at reading you at all. I'm sorry.'

She continued eating and thought about what to say next.

'I'm sorry too. And I do have very strong feelings for you, more than friendship. You know Dr. Wyatt knew, and your grandfather does, too. I think it is because we spend so much time together as partners, protecting each other, we don't see beyond that. I never did.'

He shook his head. 'Pops knew? No, I never did either, I mean I knew how I felt but I didn't think you felt the same. Until Sweets told me to get a move on and give it a chance. And then we blew it, didn't we.'

She nodded, finishing her food. 'Yeah, then we blew it.'

He finished too, and sat back, looking at her carefully. 'You think we can still be together?'

She looked back at him, her eyes clear and open for him to read. 'I would like to think that we haven't destroyed this beyond repair, yes,' she answered. 'I think we can be together if we listen to each other and talk about what we need to talk about.'

He laughed. 'You so talked to Hannah. She told me the same things.'

Brennan laughed with him. 'She told me she would. It's true though. There are things that need to be resolved. And we can't just start this, just like that. I need time.'

He nodded. 'I understand. But I'm so scared that you'll reason your way out of this if I leave you alone, Bones. You'll find a way to rationalize leaving me or never getting together and I won't be able to defend myself because I won't understand you. I can't let you do that.'

'I will try to rationalize, yes,' she began. 'But I won't rationalize not getting together. I'll try to rationalize initiating a relationship with you, and if I succeed, you'll know. If I fail, I'll come to you with questions and when you've answered them, I'll try again. You think we can still make this work, I believe you are correct, so I am willing to trust you to help me with this. But I need to have some time to myself. I'm used to dealing with this on my own. It's the only way this will work for me.'

He understood, but he didn't like it at all. 'Ok, but can I stay nearby?'

She frowned. 'You're staying?'

'Yeah, I am,' he said. 'I'm not letting you out of my sight now I've seen the place you're in. It's damned dangerous here and I'm taking you back home in one piece, so I'm staying until you decide to come home with me.'

She shook her head. 'I don't want your protection.'

'Yes you do and yes you need it, too, don't even go there,' he said. 'And I'll stay out of your way but I'll be there. Rationalize all you need, use logic all you want but I'm right here if you come up with any questions or unsolvable problems.'

She shook her head again. 'No, you shouldn't do this. I'll do it by myself.'

'Bones, you're not listening. I'm not going. And you're going to accept it. You laid your heart out to me, and I'm so very grateful, but no way you're taking it back. I love you and you know it, I have for a very long time and it's never stopped you from speaking your mind or letting me in on a personal problem before. Don't let it now. Please.'

He was begging but he didn't care.

She looked at him for a little while, and the thought crossed her mind of throwing him out. But truth was, she couldn't do it. This was her man, she knew he would protect her and talk to her all she needed. But would he really love her in thirty, forty or fifty years? How could he be so certain? There was no evidence, no proof at all. That scared her and he didn't understand. She'd have to tell him but that would mean opening up to him about her biggest insecurity. Also, it would mean telling him that even though she was sure about how she felt now, and she didn't see it changing in the near future, she couldn't make an assumption about her own feelings down the line because she simply couldn't assure him (or herself) that they wouldn't change.

'All right,' she sighed. 'But you are staying in the guestroom. You shouldn't be spending money to get a bed when I have a perfectly good one right here.'

He shook his head. 'I don't want to be in your way.'

She let her head fall to one side, looking at him, her eyes begging him to just let it go. 'Booth.. I'm tired. You're staying here, that's the end of it. You won't be in my way as long as you let me do my job here and give me some space, I'll be fine. I don't want you in some hotel with strangers, it's not safe.'

He smiled sweetly. 'Now who's looking after who?' and he winked. She smiled back. 'I'm going to take a shower. There's a TV in the guestroom, and beer in the fridge.'

He nodded and an overwhelming need to have her close came over him. He approached her and held his arms out to her, but she walked away. 'Booth.. It's a lot.'

He silently cursed himself, he should know better. Give her time, give her space. She'll work it out, her brilliant mind will make sense of it all, after all she already knew the only way this was going to end. He made for the guestroom and flicked on the TV.

This day had gone better than he had dared to hope for, she hadn't put up any real fights but he knew he wasn't out of the woods yet. Still, the fact that she let him be here, in her guestroom, meant she wanted him close and that she would talk to him when she needed to. He would have to let her come to him, though, and that would be a difficult battle for him, because he knew he would probably see her retreat from him a couple of times before she would be ready to continue. But even if it meant binding himself to his chair, he would be damned if the blew this chance as well. This could work. This would work.

He sat on his bed in her guestroom for a while, watching TV. She had a few English channels among many foreign ones, and he flicked through them all, until he heard her come out of the bathroom and saw her appear in his doorway. 'You can use the bathroom if you want, there are towels in the closet,' she said, he nodded. 'I will. Thanks.' She nodded and joined him on his bed cautiously. He moved over to the side to give her room.

'Anything good?' she asked.

'Not really,' Booth answered. 'Besides, I can't understand a word of this.'

She nodded and smiled. 'I know what you mean. You expect people to know some English at least but some of the employees at the coroner's office don't even know what 'cause of death' means.'

He got up from the bed. 'Well, I'm sure you taught them that by now.'

'I did,' Brennan answered. 'That and a whole lot more.'

'Good,' Booth said. 'They'll be happy they met you.'

He hadn't really meant for that to be a loaded statement but Brennan looked at him, clearly on the verge of tears.

'What?' Booth asked and frowned. 'Did I say something wrong?'

'No,' Brennan answered. 'Not at all. I thought you meant.. Never mind.'

'Bones,' he warned. 'What did we agree on, talk to each other. Come on.'

She looked at him, down at her hands and back at him. 'Ok. I thought you meant to say that you are happy you met me and that you learned a lot from me.'

He nodded. 'I didn't realize it could come out that way but it's true, Bones. I'm happy I met you, I always have been. I've said enough corny stuff in my letters already but I'll say some more, you've made me a better person. If you want I'll explain exactly how and why, but be warned, it's emotional stuff.'

She smiled softly at him and his heart warmed at the things he saw in her eyes.

She really wanted this.

'Ok. Maybe I want to hear that some day. Now go take your shower, the bathroom will still be warm.'

He nodded, turned around and walked towards the bathroom. He felt her eyes in his back as long as she could see him.

While he was in the shower, he thought about what he had just said to her. It had been so true, that its full extent only became clear to him now. He had been so different from the man he was now. He had been so far from the man he really wanted to be. He had been a proud man, arrogant even, hurt by Rebecca and unable to commit to a relationship because of that, but sleeping around to heal those wounds. He had had a deformed idea of honor, thinking he was a man if he had won something with his gambling, and when he had met Bones he had seen so much purity in her way of life and in her character that it had confronted him with himself. That was when he had truly realized what and who he was. Not a honorable man at all. The bravery, spontaneity, innocence and pure intelligence he had seen in Bones had captivated him from day one, and he was sure he had never met anyone like her. Without words she told him that gambling wasn't about honor, it was about addiction. That falling in love was about the magic he felt then, and not about a woman's legs. She told him that she would be a part of his life forever, without her knowing it.

While Booth was in the shower, she thought about what he had just said to her. She wanted to know everything he wanted to say to her, but she didn't know how to ask for it. She was strong, she could handle rejection, but this was different. She had to be careful with this. No longer was it just her heart at stake. One word could hurt him, so she had to be very careful with what she said.

She thought about how she could have changed him. She knew he had a gambling problem when he met her and that he'd stopped shortly after. She also knew that Booth liked the man he was now more than the man he was, and she liked him too, but she hadn't seen any of his flaws as weaknesses, just as decisions he made because life had not been easy for him. No proof was there to say she wouldn't ever make a similar mistake. It was what life was about, making mistakes and knowing how to make them better.

She smiled to herself. She was making them better, some of the mistakes she had made a while ago, and it felt good. It was still strange, if not scary, because she was afraid of being hurt by someone she trusted as much as she trusted Booth, but he had never let her down before and she hoped that was evidence for the future. And when she found the courage to tell him, she'd get her answers, and she'd feel better.

When he emerged from the bathroom she smiled and gestured for him to sit back beside her. 'Want another beer?' he asked, and she nodded. 'Yeah.'

He knew where to find them and she smiled at the domestic picture this created. She wasn't one to like it, and she didn't, but deep down it felt good to have Booth in her house, getting her another beer. It had always felt good to have Booth over for dinner or drinks, but not what they had both admitted to each other they saw a possible future together, something was different. There was a different kind of tension, a tension full of promises instead of unknowns.


	9. What Happens Now?

**Author's Note: I'm really struggling with this. This is the last chapter in Iraq, I'm bringing them home so I have more to write about. I hope it's not too disappointing.**

The Words 9

What Happens Now?

While they sat together on his bed, watching TV, they chatted. About her work here, about his work back home. About their friends, about feelings. And somehow, neither of them could tell how or why, they ended up talking about Hannah.

Brennan immediately felt the need to apologize.

'It's because of me you broke up, Booth. And I'm sorry.'

He shook his head. It still hurt, losing Hannah. But in losing her he had gained something else, an opportunity. And he liked that. 'Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault.'

'It was because I told you not to lead her on.'

'You did but come on, Bones. I knew I was being unfair to her. I just couldn't admit it.'

'Oh.' It was all she could say without the possibility of her words hurting him. Or her.

'Yeah. So don't be sorry, it's ok, it's done and I don't regret it. She'll be fine, I'll be fine and we'll be fine. No harm done.'

Brennan nodded. 'Ok. I can see how that works for you.'

'Good.' Booth looked at her. He saw there was something she wanted to say. He was always the one to see there was something when Bones tried to hide it from him. 'Come on, it's ok. Ask.'

She met his eyes and found their proximity added to her courage.

'Ok. What.. What were your plans, with Hannah I mean? If I had not left? And if I had not written that letter? If I had done nothing?'

He wanted to answer her honestly. He wanted to tell her what he would have done. But he couldn't. Not yet.

'I don't know. I don't really plan ahead, you know.'

'But you were committed to a serious relationship. Yes?'

'Yes.'

Brennan sighed. 'Did you see this coming, breaking up with her?' She gravitated slightly away from him and he saw the difficulty she was having with the question.

'You want to know how I know that this is going to work when I didn't know that it was going to fail with Hannah. Bones.. It's just not that black and white, you know. It's not. I loved Hannah but I loved you as well. I was just so hurt by you. And that.. That just made it easier, you know? It was easier and safer. So no I didn't know we would break up, but it wasn't something I hadn't thought about. With you.. I don't think about stuff like that, Bones..'

She interrupted him. 'How can you sit here and tell me you'll never break up with me, never leave me, never hurt me when you _don't – know_?' she emphasized her last words, making sure he understood how important this was to her.

Booth sighed and looked down. 'I want to, and I would say it if I thought you would believe me. But you won't so I'm not going to say it. I can keep saying it to you all day long and you wouldn't believe me, Bones. You have to believe it yourself before you can believe me. Someone once said to me, you have to love yourself before you can really, unconditionally love someone else. Now, I didn't love myself when I met you, and now I believe I do and I think that it's true, Bones. It doesn't matter what you believe or even if you believe in anything. I love you no matter what and it's not going to change as long as I stay true to myself. As long as that's the case I'll stay true to you, because it's just about faith, Bones. Have some faith.'

She looked down as well, loving this man so much and loving everything he was saying, but so afraid to really do what he wanted and just believe it would work.

'I love myself too Booth, and I think it will be possible for me to express my love for you some day, but for now I just want you to know that I feel the same way. I don't need you to do anything or be anyone else than what and who you are.'

He nodded. 'I was hoping you would say that. It's hard to let go, I know that. But it's not impossible, Bones. Nothing is impossible for you. I know you need time and so do I, I mean, I did love Hannah and it's not easy to forget that and move on without it feeling wrong, but when you're ready, you find me and I promise I'll be ready as well.'

Brennan nodded. 'Ok.'

They sat in silence for a few minutes longer before Brennan moved off the bed. 'I'm going to bed, I'll see you in the morning.'

He nodded. 'Goodnight, sweet dreams.'

She shrugged. 'I don't have sweet dreams, but thanks. You too.'

He smiled at her and she left his room, he got under the covers as well and switched off the TV and the lights.

He felt less nervous, they had talked about a lot and it seemed to have gone down well with Bones. She understood him and he understood her, he knew what her ghosts were and he even felt he knew how to chase them away. He knew it wouldn't be as easy as it looked right now, and he feared doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong words but she would not run away immediately. They had talked about too much and gone through too much together for her to just take his words literal and run when they didn't suit her. She'd talk to him and it would be fine. It was a strange feeling but a good one as well. He felt like he had to thank Hannah, because she had been the one to point out to both of them to stop taking each other so literal and listen to each other before jumping to conclusions. He'd thank her later.

Brennan got under the covers as well, in her own bed. It felt like she was home, she had to remind herself that she was in Iraq, on a mission, not at home on a weekend off. To have Booth in the room next to her felt safe, she hadn't felt unsafe here but now that he was here she had started to think about everything that could have gone wrong while she was here by herself. A lot of things could have happened, but not anymore. She was safe with the man who wanted to live with her, be with her, breathe with her. Brennan liked it and she knew she shouldn't. It was so weak damsel in distress-like that she was a little bit ashamed of it, but it was the way she felt: With Booth in the house, nothing would happen. He would help her, save her and comfort her.

She was asleep in no time.

The next morning she had breakfast ready before he got up. The smell of coffee and toast woke him and he quickly got up, out of bed, dressed and in the kitchen. 'Smells great. Good morning, Bones.'

She handed him a plate and steaming cup of coffee and smiled. 'Good morning. Sleep well?'

'Yeah, great. You?'

'Fine as well. What do you want to do today? I'm going to work, you could come with me.'

He didn't really know what to do. He should give her space but he didn't know what else to do, really. 'Maybe I'll go by the embassy, see if they could use my skills and resources somewhere, I mean now that I'm here I might as well help, right?'

Brennan's eyes grew wide. 'Booth.. You're not heading into the warzone. It's very dangerous.'

'I wasn't really talking about that, but it's good to know you're concerned,' he laughed, but then grew serious. 'Maybe I can help compile documents on soldiers or missions something. I'll see. Nothing dangerous, I promise. I'm not in the mood for a fight.'

'Good.' Brennan didn't know whether he meant getting into a fight with her or in Iraq, but she didn't want either. She also wasn't sure if she should be going to work at all, with everything that had been discussed with Booth, but she wanted the space and time to find her own peace of mind again before deciding how she wanted this to progress.

So she left for work, he dropped her off and headed for the embassy himself. They discussed lunch plans and he said he'd pick her up. She agreed and left with a smile, leaving Booth in the car.

He was happy with the way things were going. He drove to the embassy to look for something to do, because if there was one thing he didn't want to do it was getting in Brennan's way. She had been gracious to accept him coming to Iraq, but he knew he had been lucky on that count. She could easily have been offended by it and it would have blown his chances of talking to her about important stuff. For now he was very happy with the way things were going. She was talking to him, he was talking to her and both of them seemed happy.

He soon found out there was nothing he could do for his country, because he was in Iraq as a civilian he wasn't allowed to carry a weapon or do anything for the US government.

He couldn't decide what to do next, so he just went back to Bones' apartment. He cleaned as much as he could and made sure everything was tidy and neatly put away, so she would most likely (hopefully) be impressed when she got home.

Then it was time to pick her up for lunch, but he didn't know if she wanted to go out somewhere or eat at her place, so he decided to make the decision for her. He prepared a salad and put it in the fridge before driving to her workplace.

Brennan had used her time alone to work, because it helped her relax and think more clearly. She had drawn some conclusions and she knew she'd have to share them with Booth over their lunch. Even though she didn't like him coming after her, she appreciated his romantic side and it proved to her he really wanted to be with her. So she had decided to run with it, see where it took them here and when they went back, see how it had progressed and decide then where she wanted it to lead. She was happy with her decisions and when Booth came to pick her up, he saw a peace of mind in her eyes he was glad to see. Although he had no idea whether it was because she had decided this was a good thing or if she'd gone with her logical mind and decided to stay friends, either way, he was happy to see her relaxed and at peace with her own thoughts.

'Hey, you ready to go?' he asked.

'Hey Booth. Yes, I just have to give this to my assistant and then I'm ready. Did you find something to do?'

He shook his head. 'Nope. I'm not allowed to do anything, it seems.'

'Why?'

'Something to do with civilians and rules, that's what I heard,' he answered, not really interested in talking about his opportunities here.

'Oh. Too bad, you would have been an asset here.'

'Thanks,' he smiled at her, but she didn't see it and didn't realize the compliment she'd given him. 'I don't really care, I mean it's a pity they can't let me do something useful now that I'm here but hey, that's the way it is. I'll find something to keep me busy.'

'Ok, you can always go back home,' Brennan said, still pre-occupied with her work.

'Can't do that without you,' he said, and she looked at him. 'Ok.'

She delivered her file and went with him. 'I prepared something at your place, I hope you don't mind,' Booth told her. She shook her head. 'You shouldn't have. But thanks.'

'You haven't seen my extraordinary cooking skills yet, you'll be surprised,' Booth laughed. Brennan laughed with him. 'Good to know you still have some surprises.'

'I'm full of 'em,' he said, and opened the car door for her. 'Just you wait and see. You'll love most of them.'

'Not all of them?' Brennan asked.

'No, not all of them. But I'm not telling because that would spoil the surprises, wouldn't it. You'll just have to find out on your own.'

'I'm looking forward to it,' Brennan admitted, and they shared a look. The look that told Booth everything would work out the way he wanted, and the look that told Brennan he believed in her and in them. The look that had brought them together and the look that had saved their lives on a number of times. It was their look, their secret moment in which they already shared their lives. They always had. But even though they were on the right track now, slowly becoming closer and starting to open up to each other, looking at other possibilities, aspects beyond friendship alone, there was something between them. The barrier of time. They had been friends for so long, who would have the courage to break that stalemate first? Who would find that inner strength to take the leap? What happens now?


	10. New Beginnings

**Author's Note: I apologize for the delay, I didn****'t have internet all week (means I had a lot of time to write though.)**

The Words 10

New Beginnings.

Booth took Brennan to her apartment, where he had prepared lunch. Brennan was indeed very impressed with the work he had done, her entire residence had been cleaned and a healthy salad with tomatoes and nuts had been prepared for her. They divided the salad in two and ate mostly in silence, until Booth had to ask her something.

'How long do you think you'll be staying here, Bones? Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not pressuring you, I'm just curious.'

Brennan looked at him. 'I honestly don't know. There will always be work for me here.'

'But you're not staying forever.'

She shook her head. 'Of course not. But I haven't set a date or term.'

He nodded. 'Ok. Reason I ask is.. I was thinking of going home no later than coming Friday. It's Wednesday now and I don't really want to go but I feel I have to.'

Brennan frowned. 'Is something wrong?'

Booth looked at her, debating whether to mention the reason for his departure or not.

'I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I mean, right now you're the most important thing to me. But you know.. I have Parker as well, back home, and Rebecca called me to say he's feeling a little ill. And I was supposed to have him this weekend, I had everything arranged for him to stay with Rebecca, but now I feel I have to go back, you know.'

Brennan nodded. 'I understand, go see Parker. I'll still be here when you get back.. If you get back.'

'That's the thing. I was wondering.. Since there is no set date for you to come home, I was wondering if you would consider.. Coming home with me. But I don't know if it's too soon. For you, or for giving up the apartment, stuff like that..'

'Oh the apartment is fine, I'm renting it from someone here and she can move back in or have someone else rent it, that's not the problem, Booth. But I can't.'

He looked sad. His heart ached and his brain raced. What did she mean? He went back to Hannah's warning and decided not to run but to talk. 'Why, Bones? What's keeping you here? Come on, we have friends who care about you, and we have work and so much more back home.. I understand you want space to think about everything, but you can have that there..'

'What's the big deal with me coming with you, Booth?' Brennan asked, not angry but more confused. 'I need space and time, and I have that here. Why should I give that up? I can't be with you yet and you know that, you promised to wait and now you're telling me there is nothing for me here so my only option really is to go back with you? There is plenty for me here. The work helps me concentrate and focus on more than the work. It relaxes me and gives me a clear state of mind, so I can think about us and our relationship without getting confused or scared all the time. This place does that for me. Back home there's too many memories, too much that went wrong already.. I'm scared I'll mess it up.'

Her confession touched him deeply and he nodded. 'I understand. I'm so sorry. I'll go back for the weekend and call you on Sunday, if you want me back I'll come back and if you don't, I'll be here waiting for you, ok?'

'That seems acceptable,' Brennan said, her voice soft and strained with tears she didn't want to reveal. 'And I'm sorry too, Booth.'

'No need. It was my fault. I guess I'm not as intelligent as you thought.'

She smiled at him. 'Or you're just even more in love with me than I thought.'

'Possible,' he answered, winking at her. He wanted to answer yes, oh yes. But he didn't and Brennan was grateful. She felt he wanted to say something else but didn't to protect her from herself. So she put a hand on his cheek and left it there for a few seconds before dropping it in her lap again. 'You're a very good man, Booth.'

Booth didn't answer. He just remembered the feel of her hand and committed it to memory, hoping it would stay there forever. Or at least until it could be replaced with other memories.

Brennan already knew she wanted Booth to come back, and even the idea of going back with him had been tempting. But it would be such a sign of weakness, she wouldn't do it. For herself.

After lunch they cleaned up the small amount of mess they made and Brennan went back to work while Booth stayed at her place reading. He never was one for reading but he found some collected short stories which belonged to Bones, and she'd told him it was one of the things that had inspired her to start writing, so he was curious. He also had permission to read what she had done for her new book, although she told him a thousand times it wasn't finished. He told her to go to work and stop worrying about her book, and she did.

This went on for two more days, and way too soon it was Friday and Booth was ready to leave.

'I'll drive you to the airport,' Brennan offered.

'Thanks, Bones,' Booth answered, harboring mixed feelings about wanting to leave and wanting to stay. He told himself he was doing the right thing, and of course he was, but still it felt like betrayal. Convince the woman she's everything to you and then run again. Just what she'd expected of him.

When they arrived at the airport, it was time to really say goodbye, for now.

'Bones.. You know I'm not leaving you, right?'

His voice was so gentle and soft that Brennan couldn't help but smile softly at him. 'Yes, I know that. You need to do this and it's ok. I will see you soon.'

He could see that some of it was just words, that she didn't actually believe all of it herself, but still it was a comfort.

'I'll call you as soon as I land and I'll call you again when I'm ready to come back, if you still want that, ok? And any time you want to talk, just call, it's ok. Any time, Bones.'

Brennan nodded. 'Ok. Have a good flight and I would feel better if you'd call me when you land.'

'I will.'

She smiled and there they were again, standing close but not touching, eyes hugging but bodies apart, just like that day when Brennan fled to Maluku and Booth to Afghanistan. Only this wasn't a goodbye like that one. This one was better, with more certainties and more opportunities for the future. So Brennan reached for his hand again, just as he reached for hers. They stood like that for a few seconds, her eyes telling him everything he needed to know. Hurry. Come back soon, I need you here. I want you here. His eyes were telling her everything he couldn't say yet. I love you. Forever, Bones. I'll be back for you, I'll love you, protect you, cherish every moment with you like it is my last. See you soon.

Without another word they separated and Booth left for his gate, leaving Brennan to stand alone watching him leave. She turned around and started her journey back to her apartment, not being able to see him leave. Even though she knew it was just for a little while, and with a good reason, she couldn't help but feel abandoned once again. And this time it hurt just as much as when she'd seen her parents leave. Because that was the last time she'd watched someone she loved this much leave her.

She knew he'd be back. She knew he loved her, she knew he wanted to build a life with her. But she still felt like she'd been right all along. There were no answers to all her questions. Everything could turn out differently than what Booth wanted. Stuff could happen that would change their relationship. But still, somewhere deep inside of her, she felt something else. Something new. She knew he would be back. And even if it took longer than she thought it would, still, he'd be only a phone call away. Always close, no matter how far away he was. Because not only was his number always on her phone, his heart would always be in hers.

Back home, Booth stayed with his son. Parker had indeed come down with the flu, and wanted to stay in bed all day. So he watched a game with his son next to him, and watched him while he slept later that day. It gave Booth the perfect opportunity to evaluate his position with Bones right now. He felt strange, almost as if he had left her for Parker, but he knew that wasn't true. When he had called her she'd sounded good, encouraged him to take his time and make sure everything was ok before even considering coming back. He had thanked her and talked to her about how she had to know he hadn't left her. Only when he was convinced she knew, had he let her go.

Still, he wished she'd come with him. He understood her reasons for not coming, he did, but still he felt he could have done more. He knew he did all he could without scaring her away, making her feel trapped, so he didn't blame himself. And he didn't blame Bones. Of course she needed more time. She needed an unfamiliar environment to come to her senses and just relax, just think about what was happening and accept it at her own pace.

His weekend home passed quickly, and in no time it was Sunday morning. He was preparing a light breakfast for Parker and himself. Parker was still in bed, he'd slept most of the night and Booth was grateful. He'd had quite a fever the night before and it had promised to be a restless night, but instead, Parker had slept through and was still asleep now. It was 10 in the morning and Sunday breakfast called for eggs and bacon, but only eggs for Parker, if he felt up to it.

Booth was working in his kitchen when he heard his doorbell ring.

He frowned and walked to the door, barefoot and still wearing the jogging pants and t-shirt in which he'd slept in.

He opened the door and his jaw dropped.

'Hi, Booth. I hope it's ok for me to.. 'drop by' like this, but I wanted to check on you and Parker before I went home.'

Still, Booth couldn't speak. He just looked at the woman standing on his doorstep, mesmerized by her blue eyes which were slowly turning nervous.

'Can I come in, or is it a bad time? Booth?'

The woman put a hand on his arm and shook lightly. 'Is something wrong?'

Finally, he found his voice. 'Damn, Bones.'

He took a step back to let her in and she entered, putting her luggage on the ground by the door.

'What are you doing here? I mean.. Why did you come? Why didn't you call?' Suddenly, he had a thousand questions.

Brennan followed him to the kitchen. 'Well, I felt like the time was right to come back, and actually, I missed your company.'

He smiled broadly and enveloped her in a hug. Not a guy hug, a very-very good friend hug. Or maybe not. He kissed her cheek and stroked her back, very happy that this woman, this genius woman had decided to act on an impulse and come back to him. 'I've missed you too, Bones.'

Brennan broke from the hug. 'How is Parker? Is he ok?'

'He's still a bit sick, he's still asleep I think. I'm just making breakfast but I don't think he'll eat much. You want some too?'

'Thanks, that would be great. I haven't slept nor eaten much in the past twelve hours, so I could use something to eat,' she answered. 'And I'll make coffee if you don't mind.'

'Of course not, my kitchen is your kitchen, you know that,' he answered, feeling ridiculously happy. Who would have thought she'd do something this illogical, this impulsive just because she missed him? Who would have thought Bones would follow him back to their home, the place they knew held promises for their future but also scared her because of that? As he watched her making coffee he realized something. She was still scared. That's why she came to him first. To make sure he was ok with everything, to make sure he knew she was back. To make sure he was there to catch her should she fall, because she was scared of falling, especially here. Falling in a place like Iraq meant you could come back here and pretend it hadn't happened. But falling here meant falling for real. And dealing with the consequences. So she'd made sure she had a net before she did something she wasn't comfortable with. And he loved her even more for trying. And for coming back already, because he knew she was way out of her comfort zone.

'Want a cup too?' she interrupted his thoughts. 'Yeah, thanks,' he said, taking a cup from her hand. 'I'm just going to check up on Parks.'

'Ok. I'll finish the eggs,' Bones answered and went to the cooker without a second thought. He smiled at her and went to check up on his son. This is what it would be like every day, in a couple of years. Maybe even sooner. And Booth found he had never been more at peace.

**Author's Note: Next chapter will be the last one, for now. Let me know what you think, please R&R!**


	11. The Final Fight

**Author's Note: ****This is the last chapter for now, I'm really busy with school and I have some other stories that I can't get out of my head. So I'm putting this one to rest for now, maybe I'll pick it up some time. Thanks to everyone who stuck with it!**

The Words 11

The Final Fight.

Brennan didn't know what to do. Booth had just asked her out and she really didn't know what to answer.

She'd been back in DC for a week, and Booth had been very considerate giving her all the space she needed and only checking in when he saw her on a work-related meeting and only having dinner with her when she suggested it. She was very grateful for everything, but she'd felt a bit lonely. She was used to seeing him every day, all day long most of the time, and now she'd only seen him a couple of hours in an entire week. The fact that they didn't have a case had something to do with it, but still it wasn't their usual relationship.

Now she knew why. He had been planning a date. After work today, she'd been ready to take a cab home and there he was, without an appointment, ready to take her home. She'd accepted because she wanted to spend every second she could with him, but still it was different. So she got in the car and sat next to him, observing him. She thought he looked nervous about something, but when she asked why he didn't answer.

Finally, when they arrived at her place he walked her up to the apartment and when they reached the door she found out what was making him on edge.

He stood there, looking at her, not physically keeping her from entering her home but his eyes restraining her. She asked him what was wrong. Then, he'd done it.

'Bones.. I want you to go out with me tomorrow night. Would you do that? Just dinner or something, just a night out. The two of us.'

She hadn't seen it coming and she froze completely. Without an answer, she'd entered her apartment and shut the door.

'Bones, please!' he'd called after her. Again, she hadn't answered.

He'd been outside her place for a while and then he'd left.

She texted him later, letting him know that tomorrow night wasn't a good night, but she knew he didn't believe her. His answer confirmed that. 'Ok, I'm sorry. I'll give you more time, let me know when you're ready Bones.'

And now she was having second thoughts. It was the day after, and she didn't have any plans for the evening, apart from being at home and writing, but those weren't really plans. She wanted to spend time with Booth, so she decided to call him. It was five PM so she thought if he still wanted to go out, they could.

He answered almost immediately. 'Hey, Bones.'

'Hi, Booth. Are you still free tonight?'

He took a second to answer. 'Yeah, why?'

She sighed. 'Because.. Because I reconsidered and I would really like for us to go out tonight.'

'Ok, what did you have in mind?' He seemed relieved.

'Dinner?' she asked. He agreed and told her he'd pick her up in two hours. Immediately, a rush of anxiety went through Brennan. She had to shower, dress and do her make up in two hours. Doable, but it put her on a schedule. So she hurried to her closet to find a dress for the evening.

She had a lot of dresses suitable for the event, a dinner, but none seemed appropriate. Either they were too low cut, too sexy, or too normal. She decided sexy wasn't a problem since he was still supposed to have a romantic interest in her, even though he hadn't shown it lately.

So she hopped in the shower that turned out to be very relaxing, and half an hour later she had another problem: Lingerie. She knew it probably wouldn't be exposed anyway, but still it was important to her. She had to feel extraordinary of she was going to get through this without backing out. So she picked out her favorite pair of very female, very cute pink lingerie. It was strapless, which was good because the dress she'd selected didn't have straps either. It had been some time since she'd dressed up for something, or someone like this and she felt very good doing it. If she wanted this to be a special occasion, she could make it one.

Another hour later she was ready and waiting for Booth. She had checked herself a thousand times in the mirror, and only when she was convinced she looked absolutely stunning did she stop.

Booth was a little early, and Brennan jumped at the doorbell. She went to the door, not even bothering to check who was there. She opened it and Booth was immediately grounded. 'Wow.'

That was all he could say. Really, she was always stunning but tonight, she was more. She was absolutely gorgeous.

Her hair was up in a bun, not a tight one but a very loose, playful one with a butterfly pin holding everything together. It made the shape of her face even more attractive and her eyes popped with the eyeshadow she'd put on. Her eyes were smoldering with the smoky brown colors that matched her hair and the dress.

That dress.

Black with a little hint of red, strapless and beautifully fitting. It accentuated her hips and chest and Booth couldn't keep his eyes off the line of glistering flowery fabric that moved down in a V-shape to her waist. The rim reached to her ankles and just revealed the high heels she was wearing.

When Booth found his voice again, a red shade was covering Brennan's cheeks. 'You look amazing, Bones,' he said, and she heard the truth in his voice. 'Thanks,' she answered.

They went to dinner at a fancy place Brennan had never heard of, which was strange for her but also provided privacy. Yes, Booth was nervous and yes, Brennan was nervous as well, but once Booth addressed the issue they were a lot more at ease. He explained why he was nervous.

'I've been staying away from you for a reason, Bones. I wanted you to have the space you went looking for in Iraq. I didn't want to get in your way. I tried not to, I hope I didn't. But I'm scared. What do you need?'

'You are never in my way, Booth. But I needed time to think about everything, and I did. I've figured out a lot and I'm comfortable with moving on. But you said you needed time too so I thought you were withdrawing because your feelings had changed. If they have, just say it, I'll understand. I'm not an easy person to commit to, I know that.'

He looked at her, eyes big. 'What? No, Bones. My feelings will never change. Really, don't believe me if I say they have because it's just my stupid arrogance talking. I know I said it was over but that's just because I needed to believe that at the time, you know, with Hannah. Now it's different. I'm not denying anything anymore. I.. I want to say it but I don't know how you'll feel so I'll just say that I'm committed to making this work.'

'You want to say you love me,' Brennan said softly. He nodded.

'You can say it, it's ok,' she said softly. 'I need to hear that it's true.'

He took her hand over the table, making her look into his eyes. Tears welled up immediately when she saw his eyes. She didn't need the words, they were right there.

'Temperance.. I love you. I love you and I'm never stopping. I'm never letting you go.'

She nodded slowly, knowing it was true and feeling liberated with the feeling of finally hearing it. 'I… I find that… I love you too, Booth,' she answered. 'But I want to be sure you're ready too before we move on with this.'

He nodded. 'I understand, and I said I'd be ready when you are. I am. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you, Bones. If you'll have me. And if you don't believe in forever, just believe in today. We'll do it like that.'

Another nod from her confirmed his suspicions that she was getting past her doubts on forever. 'I believe your statement 'thirty, forty or fifty years' doesn't sound as ridiculous as it did, not anymore,' she said.

The topic of their conversation didn't change anymore and all they talked about was them, all through the main course and dessert.

By the time they left the restaurant, they had talked about everything that could possibly still be in their way. Their jobs, their partnership. Hannah, and Brennan's insecurities about love and commitment. She had been very open in admitting that she wanted this to work but she wasn't sure if it would work out the way they wanted. After all, they were both not easy people. Their bickering would continue within the closed doors of their home, and Brennan told Booth to always tell her if she was really going too far. He told her she'd not do that because over the years together they had already learned those barriers, but still, he promised. She also told him she didn't want to live together immediately. Booth understood perfectly and they agreed to just see what would happen, which house they would end up at the most and how it would feel. They promised each other to be there for each other in the way they had been there in the letters, and in the end Brennan had ended up with tears in her eyes and Booth with his hand in hers.

Now, they were back at her apartment, like the good friends they would always be, on her couch with a beer but something was different. Brennan looked at Booth. 'Wait here, there is something I want you to see,' she said. He nodded. 'Ok.'

She disappeared into her bedroom and he frowned thinking what she could possibly want him to see. She came back with a package, when she came closer he could see it were neatly stacked envelopes held together by a ribbon.

'I keep them in my nightstand,' she said, and handed him the stack. 'When I feel like I need confirmation or when I feel doubt, I take one and read it again. Or sometimes I read them all.'

She sat down next to him again and he looked at her, not saying anything, just smiling.

'What?' she asked, getting slightly uncomfortable. She tried to take the envelopes from his hands but he held on to them.

'Nothing.. I have a similar package in my nightstand, actually,' he said.

Brennan looked at him, not sure if he was joking. 'That doesn't seem like a very manly thing to do,' she muttered.

'I know right, seems stupid. But it doesn't seem like a very logical thing to do either.'

'Ah, you're wrong. It's very logical to keep items that remind you of people you love close to you.'

'And it's very manly to have the confirmation and declaration of love from a woman in your nightstand,' he countered.

She thought about it for a second. 'Yes, you got me there,' she finally said. Booth nodded. 'Exactly.'

'You know it was very strange for me to write that first letter. I remember feeling very inadequate and stupid while I was writing it. It's nothing like writing fiction. That comes naturally to me, so I thought this would be easy. But it wasn't, Booth. I was very afraid of not saying what I wanted to say.'

He nodded. 'I know what you mean. I felt the same, I was afraid I'd say something wrong or something. And it's hard for a man to write down what he is feeling. Talking about it is a challenge, let alone getting it all down, man that was hard.'

She smiled. 'Thanks for trying. And succeeding.'

'Yeah, you too. I have to admit, it's a side to you I didn't really know existed but it was really fun seeing it come out like that.'

'Really?' she asked, frowning a little. 'I'd think it would change your perspective of me, but only in a way that would make me look overly emotional. You know I considered getting drunk before writing it. I thought it might help me get everything out, but I decided against it because it would be considerably easier later if I remembered what I wrote.'

'Good thinking,' Booth laughed.

'You wanna read yours again?' Brennan said, pointing at the envelopes still in his hands. 'Not really,' Booth said. 'I think I'll read things I never imagined I could even write down.'

'Me too,' Brennan answered. 'But I feel I'm glad you kept them as well.'

'I read them, very often,' Booth admitted. 'Especially when I was giving you all that space, they were the only thing that really reminded me of why we were doing this. It's great to read all that every once in a while, Bones. It's great to see your dried teardrop on that first letter and then see you later in the day, concentrated at work, acknowledging me but nothing more, because then I know you're working on it.'

'I was, working on it, hard. I still don't know how I feel about us and work, though. We'll work through that I guess.'

'We will. And you know what? We should just do this like regular people. You know, date a few times, like tonight. I loved it, you were amazing and I want the entire world to see me with you before we take this further.'

Brennan laughed. 'Right. Ok, we can do that. But no taking the back row in the cinema, please. I don't like that.'

'Ok, fair enough,' Booth laughed with her. 'So Bones, you want to go out on a date again some time?'

'You're not wasting any time, are you,' she said. 'But yes, that would be acceptable. Have anything in mind?'

'What about movie night tomorrow, at my place? I have Parker this weekend, we can make it a Disney night.'

'I don't know what that means,' Brennan said seriously.

'Then Parker will just have to show you, he's great at spoiling the story,' Booth said. 'It's a date.'

Brennan nodded. 'Ok.'

A while later, Booth felt he had to leave. He didn't want to, hell, he wanted to stay where he was forever, but they would have to work up to that. Even though both of them would have no objections to jumping in bed together right now, they both knew it wasn't the way this was going to work. So when he finished his beer he stood. 'I'm gonna go, ok? I'll see you tomorrow then? Or maybe sooner, if we have a case.'

'Ok,' Brennan nodded. 'Are you sure you don't want to stay?' She just had to ask.

'Yeah, Bones, it's not a matter of wanting to stay. It's a matter of not being able to leave anymore. We'll get there but I'm not staying, ok? See you tomorrow?'

'Yeah,' she answered, taking the letters from the table and holding them to her chest. 'I'm looking forward to it.'

'Ok. Sleep well.'

'You too, Booth,' she said, and watched him walk down the hall before she closed the door.

She didn't bother to clean up, brushed her teeth and got in bed.

Once she was settled, she unwrapped the ribbon and took the first letter. With a sigh, she opened it and started reading. Opening his first letter still made her hands shake and her heart flutter. Nerves running through her body, just like that first time she had opened his letter, she directed her eyes to the words.

'_Dear Bones,_

_I'm writing this only minutes after reading your letter, so I'm sorry if it isn't the best thing you've ever read. After all, you're the bestselling author here. But I needed to get this off of my chest, Bones. What you wrote made so much sense.' _

…


End file.
